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April 10, 2018
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Here's two scripts and episode ideas for a web series that I had a hand in creating for a class. ENJOY!

INT-NEWSROOM-DAY

BRAD TOPOGRAHPY, BENZ (Blind Eye NewZ) anchor, and MATT (BENZ producer) are sitting in a conference room discussing the potential news.

(Camera follows CRYSTAL KAY as she walks into the BENZ newsroom to join an ongoing conversation between her co-anchor BRAD TOPOGRAPHY and MATT)

MATT

(Showing Brad pictures of Saint Bernards on a iPad)

The Cujo looking one is my favorite.

BRAD

(Brad nodding in approval, and giving a Yoda impression)

Done well you have young Padawan.

CRYSTAL

What’s going on? Did we finally catch Beethoven in the act?

BRAD

Close enough and this time he’s involved a celebrity. (fist pounds MATT)

MATT

Kanye is losing his shit.

CRYSTAL

Beethoven did Kanye dirty? He is such a dog.

BRAD

It was Kim Kardashian’s assistant.

MATT

Former assistant…I think.

CRYSTAL

How do we know this? Brad, is this a Twitter tip from that stupid hashtag?

Let’s verify this story befo…(cut off)

BRAD
We’ve already got an interview setup with someone who worked on set.

CRYSTAL

Well, at least we can give a voice his other victims now too. The same thing happened to one of our interns.

MATT
Yeah, except we want people to actually watch the show. And people care about celebrities not interns.

BRAD
Crystal. We need a story. Come on, if it’s poop it’s a scoop!

MATT
Nice Bee-rad! And we got one of those bullshit apologies from his lawyer. We can play it off like it’s breaking news.

(Crystal looks annoyed/disgusted while mouthing “Bee-rad” to herself)

BRAD
Yes! I’ll put my hand up to my ear like I’m receiving a transmission.
(holds hand to ear)
All clear Mr. President.

MATT
(holding hand to ear)
This is major Tom to ground control. Come in ground control.

CRYSTAL
We don’t even have ear pieces, and this is going to look absurd.

BRAD
People want to be entertained.

MATT
And we’re just giving them what they want. Watch this come together!

(Crystal sighs in disgust)

CUT TO BLIND EYE NEWZ LIVE.

In the Blind Eye NewZ newsroom, BRAD & CRYSTAL walk into the shot at the desk.

BRAD
Welcome to B.E.N.Z. Live Brad Topography here.

CRYSTAL
Crystal Kay. Hey everyone, thanks for clicking. You won’t believe who the latest falling star is in Hollywood. We have a tip from someone claiming to be a production assistant on Beethoven 18. It seems the film’s star has been up to his old tricks again. Only this time his dirty business was close enough to someone famous for us to actually care ab…

BRAD
(cutting Crystal off)
That’s right Crystal. Joining us live via Skype is a production assistant who saw a thing or two on set.

CRYSTAL KAY
Brad, he’s right here?

Brad turns around and see the production assistant in the conference room and he waves awkwardly towards them.

BRAD
Ah, well, tell us what you saw behind the scenes.

PRODUCTION ASSISTANT
Toven is a total dog, he just goes wherever he wants. Into the other actor’s trailers without asking. He’ll sniff around, do that thing where he cleans his ass on the floor after taking care of business.

And dude, I know it happened to Kim Kardashian’s assistant…(thinking out loud) former assistant’s friend …maybe.

Anyway, no one wears shorts on set anymore. He’s a bit of a leg humper.

CRYSTAL
And apparently, he was pretty demanding with those treats. Wouldn’t speak without them. But what we want to talk about is the other victims…

BRAD
(cutting off Crystal with hand up to ear pretending to be getting breaking news)
Hold on, I’ve got some breaking news here. Our producer Matt says he just received a statement from Beethoven’s lawyer.

Matt Whatta ya got?

MATT
(Cut away to MATT on a webcam holding his ear)

Hey guys, we just this official statement from his lawyers. And it’s a doozy:

“I came of age in the 90’s, when all the rules about dog behavior were different. It’s not an excuse for how I’ve acted on the set - or out of it. To anyone.”

That’s funny because it sounds like an excuse.

“I’m trying to do better, I have a long way to go. That is my commitment. Over the last year I’ve asked Cesar Milan to work with me at his dog rehabilitation center. I plan to take a leave of absence to deal with this issue head on. I so respect all people and regret what happened.

Snoop Dogg wrote “With so much drama in the L-B-C, It’s kinda hard bein Snoop D-O-double-G.” The same is true for me. I want a second chance in the community, but I know I’ve got work to do to earn it.

You can say that again.

One year ago, I began organizing a $5 million foundation to get dogs off the streets. While this might seem coincidental, it has been in the works for a year. It will be named after my mom and I won’t disappoint her.

BRAD
Thanks Matt.

(hands Crystal a paper)

Give ‘em the quote

CRYSTAL KAY
This is ridiculous…Kanye West…who has nothing to do with this story…was quoted saying “He better not bother showing up to the Daytime Emmys or imma punk his ass so hard it’ll make Taylor Swift look like the second coming of Yeesus.”

BRAD TOPOGRAPHY
(laughing)
Oh, thank God for Kanye We…(catches a hard glare from Crystal)..So sad to see someone so beloved fall so far.

Okay folks, thanks for watching. And don’t forget to follow us on Twitter. If you’ve got a tip on a celebrity acting naughty, Tweet as with the hashtag #BENZemOver and you might be featured on the next episode of B-E-N-Z Live!

CRYSTAL KAY
Thank you Brad…for that…Be sure to watch our next video to get all the juicy details on the (looks at notes)…the hurricane that hit Whoville. Thousands are dead are or missing after Horton failed to hear the littlest Who (looking off camera) thousands dead? Seriously?…I can’t

(Crystal storms out, ripping off her microphone and mumbling)

I left Fox News for this!?

BRAD TOPOGRAPHY
(Stuttering & flustered)
And I’m Brad Topography for Blind Eye NewZ…don’t forget to subscribe below. (points down)

Hawkman Misconduct Episode Script

Two guys MACK, a male hipster, and EDDY, a male nerd, arestanding in front of a green screen filming a Youtube video together.

MACK
What’s up? I’m Mack!

EDDY
And I’m Eddy!

MACK
Welcome to News Jam! Do you know what happened today, Eddy?

EDDY
What Mack?

MACK
Ever heard of the DC Comics Superhero, Hawkman?

EDDY
I know he’s a superhero who’s even lamer than Aquaman. All Hawkman does is fly!

MACK
Oh, no, he doesn’t just fly anymore. Like other recent superheroes in the news, it has come to light that dear old Hawkman jerked off in the wrong place.

EDDY
What? Did Hawkman jerk off inthe sky?

MACK
Well actually Hawkman has been filming countless women using the Burger King bathroom. Hawkman owns said Burger King, and he jerks off to the videos of the ladies doing their business.

EDDY
I bet this story even get’s crazier, right Mack?

MACK
Indeed Eddy.Along with jerking off to videos of women using a Burger King bathroom, it has come to light he jerked off in front of countless female members of both the Justice League and The Avengers. Using his rank in said teams to his advantage, he forced the likes ofWonder Woman and Black Widow to watch him masterbate for hours on end.

EDDY
Like what woman would want towatch Hawkman jerk off?

MACK
Yes, indeed Eddy, that looks to belike an awful sight. Just seaman and feathers everywhere. He has already been kicked out of both the Justice League and TheAvengers for his actions and his recent movie deal was scrapped.But as we continue The Hawkman Jerk Off Scandal, let’s welcome our guest joining us over the phone in this discussion.

EDDY
Yes, let’s welcome legendary comic book artist Rob Liefeld to NewsJam. Mr. Liefeld can you hear us,buddy?

ROB LIEFELD (V.O.)
I created Youngblood and Cable!

MACK
Indeed you did, Mr. Rob Liefeld. But isn’t it true you worked alongside Hawkman at DC Comics?

ROB LIEFELD (V.O.)
I gave Hawkman big ass muscles and tiny feet and this is how herepays me! Why! Hawkman why!

EDDY
Did you have a hand in creating Hawkman, Mr. Liefeld?

ROB LIEFELD (V.O.)
No! Gardner Fox created Hawkman back in the 1940’s. I only create crap.

EDDY
That is true, you are only known for creating junk. But Mr. Liefeld, one last question for our viewers. Since you work directly on the inside, do you know of any other superheroes who haven’t been truly heroic?

ROB LIEFELD (V.O.)
Well, besides Hawkman, I heard a rumor that Captain America likes to have Asian girls pee on him. Also, Starfire totally grabbed my ass without my permission.

EDDY
Did you report her to HR?
ROB LIEFELD (V.O.)
No. She said if I report her to HR she will laser blast my nuts off. Anyway, I got to go! I have more shitty comics to create. Later! Oh and Starfire if you listening…

Rob Liefeld is heard sobbing over the phone before he hangs up.

MACK
Truly a dark time to be asuperhero fan, right, Eddy?

EDDY
Totally Mack, please remember tosubscribe to our channel and givethis video a like. Next week on News Jam, we’ll talk more aboutPinocchio’s recent DUI arrest, andhow an annoyed Quick Draw McGrawhit a TMZ Reporter with a guitar during an episode of TMZ Live.Goodbye from News Jam. Man, the world is going to hell!

Fictional Misconduct Episode Ideas!

· Prince Charming is involved a sexual misconduct scandal because he is alleged to have jerked off in front of 60 women and had many wives all of whom are classic princesses. Prince Charming attends a group counseling session featuring other fictional characters who were recently revealed to be sexual deviants. At the counseling session, Prince Charming befriends Pinocchio and Don Quixote and they also are dealing with their fall from grace. So Prince Charming, Pinocchio and Don Quixote all become roommates and friends.

· Prince Charming has his daughter over because it’s his visitation day and Prince Charming’s daughter is 17 and beautiful. Pinocchio and Don Quixote meet Prince Charming’s 17 year old daughter and try to resist their sexual urges around her. Prince Charming’s daughter is a lot like her father in the way of sexual misconduct.

· To cope with their blues and losing of fame, Pinocchio and Don Quixote take mushrooms from their drug dealer Alice (of Wonderland fame) and they go on a drug trip together while Prince Charming searches the city for them.

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