Long hair is great — it’s pretty and romantic. And snow is great — it’s festive and you can go sledding. But sometimes you can have TOO much hair. And sometimes you’re snowed into a stalled truck in the eastbound lane of the NY Thruway outside Buffalo for four days. It’s a longhaired snowbound thing. Other people wouldn’t understand.
Your hair is dry on the ends and greasy on the top and so cold.
Your hair’s long enough that it has its own microclimates — the ends feel like a haystack, but the roots are more than ready for a wash. Plus it’s all as cold as the ice crystals forming on the dashboard! Shorthaired stranded people just don’t get it.
You’re constantly jealous of your shorthaired friends, and of people in the westbound lane.
It takes you ages to blow dry your ’do, but your friends with cute little bobs can dry their hair in five minutes flat — which is also how long it would take to get to safety in the westbound lane, which is open for some reason. Totally unfair!
Your ponytail is long enough to chew on, and you’re hungry enough to try.
You ran out of your emergency beef jerky on Monday, and you’ve had nothing to eat since. Plus your hair smells like vanilla bean. But can you eat it? No. Non-stranded longhairs are like “what?!” right now.
Your hair gets everywhere. EVERYWHERE. From the steering wheel to the cup holders.
Longhaired people know there’s just no way to keep those strands from landing on every surface in your home, which is currently the front seat of a Ford pickup. It’s like you have a super-sheddy pet, but it’s you. Ugh, what will the rescue workers think, if they ever come?!
It can be a pain, but you wouldn’t trade your long hair for the world.
Except food. Please send food.