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March 26, 2016
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New fears have come to light that have forced Belgian officials to cancel the much anticipated 'March Against Fear' scheduled for Sunday, reports The Belgian Waffle, Belgium's least creative-sounding but surprisingly most legitimate news network.

New fears have come to light that have forced Belgian officials to cancel the much anticipated ‘March Against Fear’ scheduled for Sunday, reports The Belgian Waffle, Belgium’s least creative-sounding but surprisingly most legitimate news network.

The Waffle reports that these ‘new fears’ are WAY scarier than previously thought. “Imagine a T-Rex getting hold of your mother by the head and then he starts shaking her around violently in his massive jaws. OK, now multiply that fear by 5.67 and you will begin to come close to the terror that your average Brussels resident is rightfully experiencing at the moment,” explains Ivan P Jorgenson III, a top government security agent who wishes to remain nameless. “Until these fears can be quelled,” he went on, “only time will tell when this fear will grow to a full-blown hysteria and then we’re all screwed.”

Most agree that canceling the march is the best and only option at the moment as every concession is being made to appease terrorists that have so easily been able to come and go as they please and momentarily seem to have Europe by the balls. Experts agree that anyone who says differently is clearly a racist and should not be listened to. With the ever present threat of radical extremism, people across Europe have been keeping an extra eye open in the hopes that they might not offend the delicate sensibilities of certain religions and incur the wrath that they would have had coming anyway. For the time being, Belgium can only sit idly by and wait. And get blown up again.

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