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February 27, 2017

There's no business like show business!

All eyes were glued to the ending of the Oscars last night as Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway announced the wrong winner for Best Picture. Many critics of La La Land were surprised and elated to find out that Moonlight was the actual winner. However, what everyone didn’t notice was the naked man committing a public suicide.

As tweeters tweeted and posters posted, the viewers were astounded at the mix up. Many joked that this was reminiscent of when Steve Harvey announced the wrong name at the Miss Universe pageant in 2015. The real surprise though is that no one is talking about how a naked man ran into the Dolby Theater, shouted to the heavens “I HAVE DISHONORED YOU ALL!” and then took out a tantō knife and committed Seppuku. Blood sprayed the nearby Oscar attendees, but they remained unaware as they stared, gaping mouths open, at what was unfolding onstage. How embarrassing!

“I felt like I was in a Twilight Zone episode” one Oscar attendee said. “I think I heard shouting and guts falling out of a nearby stomach, but I just could NOT stop looking at Emma Stone’s face,” said another.

The only thing the naked man had on him was a suicide note that read, “The only way I can redeem myself of my sins is to transcend this world and shed my mortal vessel so I may join my brothers and sisters in the cosmic dust of the Universe.”

Well, I guess it’s true what they say, there’s no business like show business!