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Published December 03, 2012

 

In life, unfortunately it’s generally accepted that math sucks; For all of us who aren’t scientist, doctors, or mathematicians. There have been numerous times where doing math has broken the will of a young adult, sucking the life out of the youngster with every theorem or function that involves numbers. Doing math is sort of like watching Beauty and the Beast, the only problem is that Beauty and the Beast had nothing to do with math, which is why it’s a Disney classic. Then again, there has to be some equation(s) out there that actually makes me smile instead of thinking of ways to never look at a number again.

 Even though knowing the quadratic formula won’t be useful until a serial killer runs up to you and is all like “TELL ME THE QUADRATIC FORMULA OR ELSE I’M GONNA MURDER THE SHIT OUT OF YOU SON”, that doesn’t mean that you can’t find out a lot by using it in everyday life. Fortunately, there are some equations out there that don’t conjure up bad memories of wetting myself during a math test, and I’ve got them here! So let’s take a look at the wonderful (and useful) equations that make life a little more worth living.

 

  • Man/2 = man tragically cut in half
  • Man + too much power = Kanye West
  • (1 bad movie + 1 decent movie) – 5 good movies + the entire Twilight Series = Chinese movie torture
  • Pretty woman + a school funded trip to an exotic location + alcohol = missing American
  • Missing American girl + 4 months = what missing American girl?
  • Corn Syrup > or = friendship between teenage girls
  • Man + woman = Child
  • Child + man + woman(bitchyness) = divorce
  • Canada – Healthcare = giant post apocalyptic piece of land
  • (Productive person + television) + Nutella = lazy human being
  • Person who farted in public + public = Man hunt
  • Stupidity + YOLO = Fatal accident
  • 50 year old who has never eaten candy + skittles = Skittles induced spontaneous combustion
  • ASPCA commercial + somebody that’s seen 100+ ASPCA commercials - sanity = Dead body
  • (Mother nature + period) X earth = Natural disaster
  • Nice taste in music + horrible person = hipster
  • Hipster/2 = person thankfully cut in half
  • (Wound + time) + (Samurai – forgiveness) = revenge = hit movie
  • Alien + make up + love = Oprah Winfrey
  • Baked goods + weed = BAKED goods
  • (Technology + accelerated development) + earth X monkeys = Planet of the apes
  • Child + Super Strength = Hercules – empathy = MEGA ROBOT HERCULES
  • (Giant lizard + Tokyo bay) – Japan = lizard taking a bath
  • (Bert + Ernie) X Sex = What’s really happening on sesame street > or = Anal sex
  • Family photo + middle finger = Meme
  • Stupid person + thinking cap = kid with cool hat
  • (Really lucky person X 5) + Russian roulette = failed suicide attempts
  • Earth = America = The Hunger Games
  • Human + Radiation = Super Human
  • Food + Radiation = Super food
  • Super Food + human = human being eaten alive
  • Pop X Corn = delicious
  • Pop – Corn = gunshot wound
  • Gunshot X 50 = 50 Cent
  • 50 cent – life = Tupac or Biggie Smalls
  • Love + Douche + Average guy – hot girl + standard gay couple
  • Math teacher + Jesus Freak = Fight to the death
  • Person + immortality – High I.Q = that girl you wish would just die already
  • Man putting a ring on it + woman – Free will = how hit songs and forced marriages are made
  • Cookie Monster – 3adiation = Regular monster
  • College + magic + evil = Hogwarts school of with craft and wizardry = my future school
  • Feminist – lesbian qualities + nice body = stripper
  • Prostitute – prostitution laws = Business owner
  • Facebook – Knowledge = Face
  • Attractive person + thick rimmed glasses – anyone who really cares = Person who is in no way nerdy

 

 

@DavidAyalasOk

 

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