I am a very old man. I may not look it to you, but I am. It all stems from my days hanging out with Jesus when we both were kids. You’ve heard the phrase, “nothing good comes from Nazareth?” Well JC and I were responsible for this opinion. We weren’t bad kids, we just liked to fool around like regular kids. The difference, of course, being that Jesus had miracles up His sleeve. Think about it. Jesus gave God the opportunity to be a kid.
And boy did we have some fun, hence, the God part of Jesus is punishing me by keeping me alive. I believe that God is worried what Jesus and I might get up to in heaven. I don’t get it, we really didn’t hurt anyone…
One of the first pranks we pulled was at a wedding. Everyone was having a great time, eating, drinking, and dancing; we were bored. Jesus gave me a wink and a nod; and were headed to the wine jugs. He touched them, and immediately the wine turned to water. It was great. The drunks didn’t notice until they were about two sips in, and the sober ones started yelling and whining. We let the confusion go on for a little, then Jesus changed the water back into wine.
Jesus was always getting yelled at for walking on His bathwater, but this was a very useful gag. We would tell our friends or travelers that this was a safe place to cross the river, and they of course, would step into 3 to 4-foot-deep waters. The would stand up and start yelling at us until they realized that their clothing was full of fresh fish for dinner.
I’ll never forget the time we went to a picnic and Jesus turned five fishes and two loaves into a hand sandwich,which I ate. The looks of the picnickers were priceless. Don’t worry, some kid scrounged up a couple more loaves and fishes…
As we got older, we got a little bit more rambunctious, this was directly my fault. One day at the gate to the city we saw a quadriplegic. I whispered into Jesus’s ear, and He bold strode over, touched the man, and turned Him into a paraplegic. Not nice, I agree, but hilarious, the guy couldn’t understand why his arms were working, but not his legs, as flopped about in the dirt. Similarly, Jesus would often go up to bullies, touch them, turning them in to a leper. Don’t get upset. Jesus being who He is fixed everybody.
The prank that was the final straw, and has kept me alive, and away from my heavenly Buddy, was brilliantly sick.One day in front of the entire school, Jesus and I had a fight, and I stabbed Him to death. The students and faculty stood shocked, then rushed towards me, and Jesus’ lifeless body. Just as they were about to stone me, Jesus popped up and said, “Peace, be still. It’s a joke.”
Needless to say, the Man upstairs wasn’t too happy….