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November 29, 2012

Brian writes monologue jokes every day. “This is one of those days,” to misquote Fred Durst. You can find more at http://brianunderstands.tumblr.com and tell him he’s a muffin on Twitter @BrianLisi. Thank you.

Despite telling people not to watch his show "Two and a Half Men," Angus T. Jones said that God told him to accept $8 million to do another year. Turns out he really is a good actor.

200,000 Egyptians gathered to protest President Mohamed Morsi's decision to grant himself new powers. Not to mention his son Zack Morsi, who thinks he's so cool.

One in four financial services professionals surveyed said they felt they "may need to engage in unethical or illegal conduct in order to be successful." The other three are very successful.

In the same survey, about one in three said they've felt pressured to break the law or act unethically in return for more money. Afterwards they asked how much they'd get if they said a different answer.

Mitt Romney and Barack Obama will be having lunch together at the White House on Thursday. For dessert, Obama will be serving binders full of cinnamon.

In related news, GQ named Mitt Romney the least influential person of 2012. Because even without Romney, Obama would've kept bragging about killing Osama bin Laden anyway.

In Bangladesh, a woman is being forced to remarry the husband who threw acid in her face. "Good call," said Rihanna.

A small aerospace company claims to have made the biggest engine breakthrough since the jet. However, not the biggest breakthrough since Jet.

CNN is considering hiring former NBC CEO Jeffery Zucker to run the network. Which probably means Conan O'Brien won't get to host "The Situation Room" as promised.

Apple is threatening to sue a small café in Germany because they claim their logos are similar. To be fair, there is quite a resemblance.