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February 29, 2016

Leap Day is a dumb day in February that fixes our broke-ass calendar. Here are 13 better ways to fix it.

Today is Leap Day, an extra day added to the end of the month of February in order to correct the fact that our 365 day calendar doesn’t perfectly line up with the sequence of the passing of seasons. Or as Wikipedia puts it:

February 29, also known as the leap day of the Gregorian calendar, is a date that occurs in most years that are divisibleby 4, such as 2008, 2012, 2016, 2020, and 2024. Years that are divisible by 100, but not by 400, do not contain a leap day. Thus, 1700, 1800, and 1900 did not contain a leap day, 2100, 2200, and 2300 will not contain a leap day, while 1600 and 2000 did, and 2400 will. Years containing a leap day are called leap years. February 29 is the 60th day of the Gregorian calendar in such a year, with 306 days remaining until the end of the year.

— Via https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/February_29

That’s some confusing bullshit. Also, February is often a cold month and we don’t want an extra day of it. So, we propose the following Leap Day calendrical-fix alternatives:

Other Ways To Accomplish What Leap Day Does:

  • Every eight years we get an extra weekend in June called “Roller Coaster Fun Time!”
  • Double the world’s daily toke time by giving every single day an extra minute of 4:20.
  • Replace Leap Day with a national holiday in November, wherein we elect a new President.
  • Give everyone 20 Leap Days at birth to use at their own discretion.
  • Add ¼ day each year to Groundhogs Day so that Punxsutawney Phil can think long and hard about his decision.
  • Every 28 years we take an extra week where we spend the week catching up on all the tv shows our coworkers watch.
  • Keep it the same but call it March 0.
  • Every four hundred years, we have a hundred day stretch where the entire human race hibernates, bear-style.
  • Save up a bunch of Leap Days so we can add them all to the year 6969 and keep it going as long as possible.
  • Add two minutes to every other midnight where you can howl at whatever you want and no one can judge.
  • 4th of July lasts 6 hours longer and we spend that 6 hours reciting the Pledge of Allegiance over and over again.
  • Every four years Halloween lasts 48 hours and stabbing is legal, because ()1) To curb overpopulation and (2) Let’s face it, Halloween hasn’t been actually scary in a long time.
  • Get rid of Columbus Day! I know this has nothing to do with Leap Day, but now we have FIVE days every four years IN DA BANK!