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June 13, 2012

Brian writes monologue jokes every day. This is one of those days. He may or may not be incarcerated. You can find more at http://brianunderstands.tumblr.com and tell him he’s a muffin on Twitter @BrianLisi. Thank you.

Scientists suggest that the amount of gut bacteria one has before adulthood affects happiness later in life. Not such a beautiful melancholy now, is it, Sylvia Plath?

Police arrested a naked man outside of actor Orlando Bloom's home. He has since been charged with trespassing, public indecency, and doing what we've all been thinking about.

During a rain delay at a minor league baseball game in South Carolina, Bill Murray ran onto the field and slid around on the protective tarp. Sad to think that he'll have to do the same thing tomorrow, and the day after that, and the day after that.

The World Health Organization states that exhaust from diesel engines causes cancer. Double goes for the exhaustion caused by Vin Diesel.

Cameron Diaz is working on a nutrition book for teenagers. One tip Cameron Diaz gives to girls to avoid developing an eating disorder: Looking at pictures of Cameron Diaz.

British legislators are considering forcing website operators to reveal the identities of anyone who anonymously posts a derogatory comment. The last time Britain took such a firm stand on trolling, there were actual trolls.

According to a new study, insects can leave voicemail-like messages for each other on soil fungi. In related news, please stop calling caterpillar. She's moved on, beetle. She's moved on.

Robert De Niro unveiled plans for a hotel in Las Vegas. If all goes well, Joe Pesci and his brother will be beaten to death there next year.

In Australia, a coroner solved the case of a baby who disappeared 32 years ago, concluding that a dingo did in fact eat it. Next up: Solving the question of where the beef is.

Doctors say the man who had his face bitten by another naked man on a Florida highway woke up. But he doesn't yet understand why a person was pointing a shotgun at him when he did.