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March 30, 2015

So sometimes touring doesn't pay the bills so I temp and work in a childcare center at a gym. I really love kids and I love playing pretend and telling made up stories or just singing LET IT GO at the top of my lungs with a 50/50 ratio of kids who love or hate it. Here is a satirical list of why I could be fired from childcare. Enjoy!

by Casey Whitaker

1. When planning craft, it is more for me than them. I also like to color and I’m a lot better at it than those kids I can tell you that.

2. I make all books about race during reading time, Dr. Seuss is a big part of the problem, like that Sneetches book, some have stars on this bellies and some don’t? That’s just obs racist.

3. I still don’t know how diapers work, those poor kids lay there forever while I keep having to flip and stretch and examine their huggies to figure out how they go on. When I give up I just use tape and send them on their way so I can get back to coloring.

4. I ignore the spanish speaking kids cause they make me feel stupid.

5. I wear a one piece swimsuit during pool time that squeezes my butt fat so much kids ask about it.

6. I eat their snacks. This could also just be called teaching upper middle class kids how to share.

7. When getting them dressed after swimming I get passive aggressive with the socks. They are the worst. I don’t think two year olds were meant to wear socks or shoes and I’m ok with that so get on board supreme court!

8. I never tuck my shirt into my pants like we’re required to. Sorry that’s fucking ugly.

9. I ask the hard questions like who’s parents has a car you have to plug in and charge? Or who runs the world? (girls do).

10. If they pooped their diaper I make them smell it and then make fun of them for not using the fucking toilet.