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October 26, 2011

The lost transcripts of the adventures of Tom Selleck and his trusty side-kick John.

Journal Log: Day 58. It’s been nearly two months and we are nowhere nearer to the temple or the Jewel. Mr. Selleck’s condition has deteriorated exponentially to say the least. He rarely wears clothes anymore, and when I do manage to get him to cover his naked body, it is only with the skinned pelts of the small fury animals that he has killed with his bare hands and eaten raw.

He continues to ramble on in incoherent mumbles. In his sleep I can still hear him say, ‘the prophecy…prophecy…I am to fulfill it’. I, myself, have lost all sense of direction and am going on blind faith that Mr. Selleck knows where he is headed. He walks in a determined daze most of the day except for feeding time when he rips off his bloodied animal pelts, jumps up and down, rubbing his hairy belly with his own spit. Despite this, he seems to be drawn towards something. I can only hope it is the temple and the jewel that lays hidden beneath it.

The other day we reached a large impassable river. We came to the riverbed and stared out over the other shore. Our destiny may lie across this thunderous torrent of water and current. Mr. Selleck didn’t seem phased by this and promptly started undressing and began his usual feeding ritual. All hope seemed lost but then a voice echoed out from the nearby woods.

- You queers lost?


An old weathered sailor with poor dental hygiene emerged from the tree line; He limped and used an old harpoon as a makeshift walking stick. Again he shouted out

- You queers lost!?!

I replied back that in no way was Mr. Selleck or myself involved in a homo erotic relationship, that we were merely two explorers on a mission. But he was correct in that we were lost.

- Well then, what you fairies looking for?

Again I explained the nature of our sexual orientation


and then brought him up to speed on our plane crash, and our quest for the lost jewel of Umghala.

- The jewel…you seek it?

I nodded.

- Good luck finding it. It’s just a myth; many people have come here trying to find it. None have succeeded. My advice, turn around and head home.

But as soon as he saw Mr. Selleck still mumbling prophecy…prophecy, his eyes sparkled and he changed his tune.

- You know…I could give you safe passage across this river, and I know where the temple is, if you boys are still determined to find the jewel.

We got into his boat and crossed the mighty river. Mr. Selleck decided to lean over the edge and try to catch fish with his mouth underwater. We docked on the other side, and now us three made our trek to the temple of Umghala. I do not know what awaits us there, or what destiny our new traveler brings us but we trek onward towards our destiny.