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July 06, 2011

A member of the fairer and weaker sex in peril.

PITTSBURGH- Absolute chaos broke out at the offices of Ruffin Tire Supply, when a pathetic and helpless woman dropped some papers she was holding. "I saw this catastrophe coming." Manager Walt Trubins commented, "I made the mistake of thinking a woman was capable of doing man-work."

Ruffin Tire Supply has agreed to release the name of the female employee responsible just as soon as they can remember it. For now, they're pretty sure it's either "Button-nose" or "Sally Vagina."

Though most of the dropped papers have been accounted for, the incident has Ruffin employees on edge. "I just feel sorry her." said co-worker Ken Nguyen. "If she were a man, she would know better than to carry so many papers across the office... and also men are strong."

Later that afternoon, that girl who did this was spotted eating a Peep for lunch. "I made the papers go boom-boom." the girl added. "I knew there were just too many papers for my frail woman arms to hold, but I tried to carry them anyway. My lady brain doesn't think good."

Hoping to avoid bad press, Ruffin Tire Supply says it won't be firing the dumb lady. "We're a progressive company and if we just released that dumb animal back into the wild, we'd really look like jerks." said Manager Walt Trubins.

Whatever-her-name commented "I have such great male bosses, they've allowed me to stay as long as I stick to lady-chores like organizing coffee filters and polishing chair wheels... will you marry me, Mr. Reporter?"

The age-old question remains: Can women do anything?