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January 29, 2009


  Have you ever traded in your dignity for a little fun?

 Strangers eight o'clock at the local pub are no more strangers to one another than the crowd of unfamiliar faces at the check out counter or bus station. A few shots and some Yag Bombs, and this group evolves into your peeps. You would even take a bullet for...  um; "What's their face?"-your new best friend. A person earns that social promotion after becoming the only one who finally understands you.
But, that "woo hoo" comes with an I.O.U. an apology after some offensive behavior on your part.
This is how the situation goes:
 The alcohol in your stomach becomes the IV drip that slowly sends your inhibitions to a far away land. Inhibitions are the firewall that prevents certain thoughts from converting into words. You wake up the next day feeling great. Then things change as your memory knocks on your head and says; "Hello there, I recorded some things last night while you were 'out.' Lets take a look." Then your inhibitions unpack from vacation. Wasting no time getting back to work. The first task is to interpret your memory. This is not a reunion you want to embrace. This causes you to construct a clothing accessory for your next public appearance...now where is that paper bag?
There is a simple solution that might be useful to you until your senses return.

Make yourself a Dignity Protection card.
Get a 4x4 card and write these down and put it in your pocket before you leave the house for your next night out:

1. Your name is ______________.

2."Take this job and shove it" is not a good karaoke choice if it's a company celebration.

3. You are average looking. Nothing more but nothing less either.

4. Your fighting skills are way below average.

5. The secrets that you don't want people to know are,(do not have someone read them for you).

6.Bar stools, pool tables and poles are off limits; your insurance does not cover acts of stupidity.

7. You are not gay.

8. Your marital status is ______.

9. Use this card as a measuring tool to keep your distance between you and your buddies because
of number seven.

10.If you are single, write your standards here. (Again. Do not have someone else read them for you).

Now you can shake hands with your conscience in the morning and post pictures on Facebook of your friends who were not as fortunate as you.