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April 21, 2011

A brief insight into the troubled lives of white people.

Hard Times: Middle Class White People

In this segment of Hard Times, we are going to examine the tragic lives that middle class, white people have to deal with by viewing a few of their day-to-day struggles. I spent an entire day at a local coffee shop, hiding in a Jet Magazine newsstand (because nobody reads Jet Magazine) compiling a list of complaints by the local hipsters and 'scene'sters. Let us begin.

Oh my god. I think they put milk in this latte instead of soy. Taste it, that is definitely not soy”.

Nobody is entirely sure when the 'Vegan Revolution' began. Some say that if you know when narcissism first came along, you'll know when 'vegan'ism began. Others believe that it started during the Civil Rights era because white people felt that they weren't getting enough attention at restaurants. Either way, vegans have quite a tough life dodging both lactose and meat, merely surviving on produce and sometimes even resorting to eating the grass found in backyards and parks.

I got on facebook this morning and my ex totally 'poked' me. Like. WTF we broke up 6 months ago you perv”.

That sick son of a bitch. I mean, the nerve of some people. Can't a girl get on facebook without having to worry about a crazy ex-boyfriend poking her? I thought facebook was a safe place where people could go to quietly farm their cyber-eggplant and escape the real struggles of life? If you can't be safe on facebook, can you be safe anywhere?

Make sure you tip the colored boy, honey”.

OK, I'll admit. This doesn't really show the struggles a white person may have but I just thought it was funny to hear an old, southern woman still using the word 'colored'. Such a sweet ol' gal!

I'm still looking for an answer to the question on everybody's mind: How do white people survive when it seems like the entire world is out to get them? We may never find out. As for now, it looks like someone is trying to double park me. I wonder how I will overcome this hardship. Tune in next week when Hard Times goes undercover to reveal the struggles that Frat Boys face.