Full Credits

Stats & Data

October 25, 2012

A Ron Paul supporter shows up to the Federal Reserve's Annual Halloween Party.


New York — Only a week after the FBI and the NYPD stopped a terrorist plot to blow up the Federal Reserve, new terror gave the FED employees a jolt yesterday as they celebrated  the Federal Reserve’s Annual Halloween Party.  This year’s party was the talk of town as Ben Bernanke himself decided to get into the spirit and spook of things.  This marks the first year that Bernanke took part in the hair-raising fun, as he came menacingly dressed as a Ron Paul supporter, and winning the costume contest outright.

“It was the most alarming costume that I had ever seen,” said the Federal Reserve Security Guard who actually pulled his pistol on Bernanke as he came through the front door.  “I was thinking, it was either going to be your day or mine, before Mr. Bernanke announced who he was.” 

Nobody knew what sinfully spectacular surprised laid before them as Bernanke got off the elevator.  Even Bernanke’s personal aids did not know what he had planned to shock the office and shocked the office he did; so much; one assistant screamed then threw himself out the window, plummeting to his death.   

“We were all terrified,” stated a David Rosenberg, Bernanke’s assistant.  “I have never seen a more realistic yet disturbing costume in my life.” 

After Bernanke made the announcement that the Ron Paul tee shirt and the ‘End the Fed’ sign was his costume, employees at the Fed collectively let out a sigh of relief that was heard throughout lower Manhattan.

“I have been working for Bernanke for 4 years now,” stated Nancy Rosen, “and I never knew how wickedly devious he could be, until I saw him in a Ron Paul tee shirt.  You think you know someone, and then wow!  They’re outfitted in Ron Paul attire!  FRIGHTENING!” 

After the costume contest, many people were questioning how Mr. Bernake came up with a costume idea so horrifying.  

“I remember a conversation that I had with my wife about a year ago,” said Bernanke.  “She mentioned that if U.S. citizens actually listen to Ron Paul about how I was secretly destroying the monetary system and bankrupting them, they would skin me alive.  That’s when I thought, hey, if I am a vampire sucking the wealth out of the world by deflating its currency, who would be my Abraham Van Helsing – answer, Ron Paul.” 

Bernake went on and said that idea of buying a Ron Paul tee shirt and a sign was enough to scare the hell out of him, but he did it anyway because he desperately wanted to win this year’s Halloween costume contest and it’s grand prize of a $1000. 

“I am aware that a $1000 is worthless these days,” stated Bernanke, “but scaring the shit out of my subordinates was worth my weight in gold.”