Photo showing the spider egg infestation with insert of the full-grown spider (via

Hello, purveyors of internet news! As you all know, a story is going around about a Brazilian wandering spider being discovered in a bunch of bananas a woman bought from a Tesco supermarket in England. Obviously, this is an incredibly important news story. But how to cover it? Does your news outlet take a public-health stance and focus on how the Brazilian wandering spider is the most venomous spider in the world? Or will your organization take the personal-interest angle and spread the news that this spider’s venom has been known to give men four-hour erections? Below we compile some of the choices made thus far.

“4-Hour-Erection-Giving Spider Venom Found At Supermarket"–Type Headline News Outlets:

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Bristol Post

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Western Daily Press

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Pink News

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The Telegraph

“World’s Deadliest Spider Found In Bunch Of Bananas"–Type Headline News Outlets:

Um, we couldn’t find any that just went with this headline. They all mentioned the four-hour erection thing. All of them. I mean, I guess once your competitor is going with the four-hour erection story, they sort of force your hand to have to go with that, too. But still.

In conclusion, the news.