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January 31, 2012

Me taking the piss out of poor Kamlesh.


Live Chat with ........................ - part one

What follows is a genuine live chat conversation I had today with Vodafone, in an attempt (following unsuccessfully doing so over the telephone and in person) to cancel my mother-in-laws account.  One of the benefits of the anonymity and language barrier as you can deliberately sound like a mental case:

info: Welcome to Vodafone! You are about to be connected to a online customer service representative for Vodafone UK.  Your approximate wait time is  2 minute(s) and 34 seconds.  We thank you for your patience and look forward to chatting with you.
info: You are now connected with Kamlesh.
Kamlesh: Hello, you’re chatting with Kamlesh, one of Vodafone’s online customer service specialists.  May I take your full name and mobile number please?
You: Fiona xxxx- 07826 xxx253

Kamlesh: Hello Fiona 
Kamlesh: :)Good Morning:)
Kamlesh: How are you today ?
You: Great, thanks very much.

Kamlesh: Good!!
Kamlesh: How may I assist you ?
Kamlesh: Are we still connected in this chat session?
You: I cancelled this contract over the telephone, whilst keeping 07826 xxx284 for a further 24 months. However my latest bill shows the contract continuing for 07826 253 - please can you cancel? Thanks - sorry had to feed dog.

Kamlesh: May I ask what is breed of your dog?
You: Bichon Frise - he is hard work.
Kamlesh: She probably loves Scotch weather
You: HE is NEVER allowed outside, these types of dog are worth thousands here and he would be kidnapped.

Kamlesh: Hello, you’re chatting with Kamlesh, one of Vodafone’s online customer service specialists.  May I take your full name and mobile number please?

Kamlesh: please ignore this.
You: Hi Kamlesh, I am still here with Howard.

Kamlesh: sorry Mrs Cannon, I pressed wrong function
You: Ok, I thought you had spilled tea on your computer.

Kamlesh: We are not allowed drinks at workstation, my apologise.
You: I wont judge.

Kamlesh: May I know the date of birth, first line of address with post code and payment method  for verification please?
You: xx/xx/xx, 12 xxxxxxxxxxx, Direct Debit

Kamlesh: Perfect! Thank you for verifying your details.
Kamlesh: Perfect! Thank you for verifying your details.

You: You said that 2wice!

Kamlesh: For the cancellation of any number your need to give the written confirmation with 30 day notice.
Kamlesh: Shall I consider this chat as the written confirmation and schedule the cancellation on the 30th day from today ?
Kamlesh: Please confirm to proceed.
You: please do Kamlesh - we both really appreciate it.

Kamlesh: Please wait I will confirm once it is done from my end.
You: Thanks - I got two barks from Howard.
Kamlesh: Thanks for waiting.

Kamlesh: As 30 days notice is required for cancellation, I’ve taken this chat as your cancellation notice and I have scheduled your number for cancellation on 1/03/2012.
Kamlesh: You’ll receive a confirmation letter at your account address, to confirm the receipt of your cancellation notice and that your cancellation notice has been accepted.
Kamlesh: You will receive a final bill post cancellation, which will include monthly rental(if any) and usage charges (if any) till your number remain active with us.
Kamlesh: Is there anything else I can do for you today?

You: No thank you, I’m away for a walk alone and then lunch, have a fabulous day Kamlesh.

Kamlesh: Thank you for chatting with me. To receive a transcript of this chat, or tell Vodafone how I did today, please click the “End Chat” button on the top right of the chat window.
Kamlesh: you to:)