Time Magazine, a Time/Warner company, was frantically trying to recover from a grievous typographical error that caused Osama Bin Laden, and not President Barack Obama, to be named Person of the Year.
"We meant to say Barack Obama," a clearly mortified spokesperson croaked into a microphone as more than two million print editions featuring the face of the assassinated Al Quaeda leader and 9/11 mastermind reached newsstands across the nation. "Oh, Jesus, we're so sorry" the spokesperson added in a barely audible whisper.
Tens of thousands of elementary school teachers were dismayed but nonetheless pressed on with "current events" lesson plans, challenging students to justify Time's choice.
"Um, bin Laden, like, did something nobody thought of before?" said clearly confused 5th grader Taleel Daysinger in an oral report to which reporters had been invited. "And then he was totally super hard to find," she continued. "Like, for a long time."
Conservative factions reacted with disappointment to the erroneous announcement. "This is just another example of the anti-America bias of the lamestream liberal media," opined pundit Sarah Palin.
The most vociferous reaction came from Al Quaeda itself, which said in a statement, "This is another insult, an outrage, from the decadent West. They subvert the righteous memory of one of our own. It will not be tolerated!"
No further statement was forthcoming from Time/Warner, although anonymous sources believe a shake-up in the magazine's copy-check intern pool is "imminent."
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