Full Credits

FOD Wire

Stats & Data

May 19, 2008

FOD Wire - Working women across the country are finding they have little to nothing to talk about with their co-workers now that Britney Spears is no longer insane.

“I used to check Perez first thing when I got to the office to see what kind of crazy Britney had gotten in to the night before,” said Mary Hashburger, a receptionist from Cleveland. “Now, I have nothing to say to the people I work with. It’s not like I’m interested in politics or sports.”

Nostalgic for the good old days, women are looking back fondly on Spears’ psychotic break.   “I remember the day after Britney shaved her head,” recalls Elizabeth Black, an office manager from San Diego. “Work was super bananas the next day.  I know that Miley Cyrus took some racy photos recently but honestly it just wasn’t the same.”

The lack of replacement gossip is taking its toll.  According to Ashley Thompson, a law firm administrative assistant in Minneapolis, lunches at Panera Bread with her friend Pamela have become strained. “Earlier this week I tried to talk to her about Pete Wentz and Ashley Simpson’s wedding but Pamela said she wasn’t interested because there were no photos of it,” remarked Thompson.  “Sometimes I think Pamela is a real bitch. And I told her that.”

Still, some women, including Thompson, are optimistic that Britney will turn things around.  “I’d like to think that Britney is still troubled. My hope is that she’ll do something bat shit really soon,” said Thomson, adding, “When she does, I hope that someone takes photos of it so that Pamela and I can heal.”