It’s ironic that being so defensive has stopped these heroes from being Defenders. That and the fact that nobody likes Danny Rand.

We have more questions than answers at this point. So let’s A those Qs.


1) Elektra Lives Again

Screen Shot 2017-08-20 at 5.43.45 PM.jpg

“Stop staring at me while I eat you f*cking creepshow.”

Alexandra Grant has a delicious meal of thick meat. She and the waiter do the classic They Might Be Giants “Istandbul (Not Constantinople)” bit.

A gentleman in a straw hat interrupts her wet treatz to tell her they have the Black Sky. Oh, it’s a flashback! Remember from “Daredevil?”

They go to a secure location where Grant rubs her face like she’s checking it for ripeness.

They seal Elektra’s body in a big egg. After some time, the Elektra hatches, covered in the miracle of (re)birth.

Screen Shot 2017-08-20 at 5.45.40 PM.jpg

Elektra enjoyed her trip to Hershey Park

Grant and Elektra share a private meal in a giant empty warehouse. What is this, “The Bachelorette?” Alexandra pitches her business: Let’s Murder People, Inc.

Elektra’s job interview consists of Arkham City training mode against a bunch of Hand ninjas. As a reward Elektra gets a costume upgrade. It’s like at Taco Bell when you get a promotion and they give you a different colored shirt.

2) Stuck

Screen Shot 2017-08-20 at 5.46.17 PM.jpg

“Smells like…a sword…”

Back in the now Grant teases Stick that his fight is over. Stick is suddenly more interested in Iron Fist than Daredevil; he’s the opposite of Netflix viewers!

Grant and Elektra hold Stick at swordpoint and demand to know where is the Iron Fist. This is basically a conversation they’d have had on Daredevil but with Danny Rand mad-libbed in.

Before Stick can get stuck he attacks, slices his own hand off and then crawls out a ventilation shaft. Somebody call an exterminator!

3) Attorney-client privilege

Screen Shot 2017-08-20 at 5.47.02 PM.jpg

“Ms. Jones, what if I told you I could save you hundreds of dollars on printer ink today?”

In holding, Jessica Jones is being very Jessica Jones to Matt Murdock. He tells her he knows who she is. She doesn’t care and walks out. Matt is confused because women usually fall all over him. Instead he super-eavesdrops on her cell phone conversation when she leaves.

4) Previously on…

Screen Shot 2017-08-20 at 5.47.29 PM.jpg

“Wait, that’s not how it happened…hm, can you just look up Matt Little’s recap on Funny or Die?”

In Harlem Luke Cage recaps last episode for people who don’t binge television. Claire listens and then is like “Hey, have you watched Iron Fist yet? If not I know the guy from that show! Follow me.”

5) Blind date

“You BOTH crossed your arms the best, okay?”

Claire and Colleen Wing give Danny and Luke a meet-cute at Colleen’s dojo. Luke and Danny fold their arms at each other as hard as they can. Claire tells them they’re grounded until they can learn to get along.

6) I always feel like…

Screen Shot 2017-08-20 at 5.48.26 PM.jpg

TFW you realize the East Village has been taken over by NYU and isn’t cool anymore.

Jessica meets up with the wife of John Raymond, the man who blew out his own brains in her office last episode. Old people show up and Jessica is allergic to them so she leaves to wander the East Village.

She gets the feeling she’s being followed so she gets crafty with the crowd.

Turns out she was right! Here comes Matt Murdock, the man without sight. But what he does have is radar sense, which he was using to track Jessica until she disappeares.

Turns out she super-jumped backwards and now Jessica is following him. He juts down one of those random alleys that only exist in fictional New York and ninjas his way away. Jessica sees this and snaps some pics, but before she can put them on Insta she gets a call from Raymond’s firm that they’ll see her about the fake project she’s using for investigation.

7) White privilege

Screen Shot 2017-08-20 at 5.49.11 PM.jpg

“How many issues was your origin?”

Back at the dojo Luke and Danny swap origin stories. Everyone is relieved; finally someone likes Danny Rand!

Then Danny starts being Danny and ruins it.

Luke tells Danny he can’t run around like a rich white boy beating up people. Danny gets mad because he’s a spoiled bitch and Luke tells him to stick his billion dollars up his ass. Maybe we should rename him Iron Asshole. Oh shoot, that’s already Tony Stark.

8) It’s called ‘lotto’ because it’s a lot to win

Screen Shot 2017-08-20 at 5.49.42 PM.jpg

“Does she like the Monopoly ones? I do.”

Luke visits Cole, the kid Iron Nutsack tried to beat up, in jail. The kid is spooked and asks Luke to leave, but stop by his mom’s house with some lotto scratchers. It pays to play every day!

9) I have a better idea

Danny remembers he’s rich and he could be businessing the shit out of The Hand instead. Colleen tells him it’s a bad idea. Then Danny does what he does best - he doesn’t listen.

10) Securities analysis

Screen Shot 2017-08-20 at 5.50.15 PM.jpg

“Hello, we’d like to business with you this afternoon.”

Danny and Colleen swing through Rand Corporation and ask the accounting department to give them a hand with The Hand. The results bring up Midland Circle Financial.

11) WeWork makes the dream work

Screen Shot 2017-08-20 at 5.50.50 PM.jpg

“It’s so sexy how you know so much about orthostates.”

An architect from John Raymond’s firm jizzes all over his own designs as Jessica pretends to own a communal workspace for investigation reasons. Searching for buildings brings up one of John’s designs in…Hell’s Kitchen. WHY ALWAYS HELL’S KITCHEN??? THAT NEIGHBORHOOD DOESN’T EVEN HAVE A QUIZNO’S!

Anyhow the building is Midland Circle. You know, from the last scene we just saw.

12) Moms being moms

Screen Shot 2017-08-20 at 5.55.33 PM.jpg

UHMUHBUHBEEEEEE UHMUHBUHBEEEEEEE

Luke visits Cole’s mom and drops off those scratchers. We never find out if they were winners - yet ANOTHER dangling plot thread.

Luke puts them in a box with the rest and discovers a bando wrapped in a parking ticket from…Midland Circle.

Before he can react, Cole’s mom has a breakdown - she’s been informed that Cole was killed in prison.

13) Stumped

Screen Shot 2017-08-20 at 5.56.08 PM.jpg

“The said thanks to me they’re now known as…The Hands.”

Colleen gets a knock at the door. It’s Stump Stick. He asks “Where is the fist?”

I think you left it on the ground in that warehouse, dumbass? Oh, you mean Iron Fist.

14) More like ‘bored room’

Screen Shot 2017-08-20 at 5.56.32 PM.jpg

“I’m gonna fist you so hard. Why are you laughing?”

Iron Fist is businessing down a hallway at Midland Circle. He invades a board meeting and accuses them of being The Hand. Before he can finish he gets *A* hand…on his shoulder. It’s Alexandra Grant, here to hear more about how he’s gonna fist all their asses.

15) Photographic memory

Screen Shot 2017-08-20 at 5.57.05 PM.jpg

“You’re full of shit I didn’t save ANY money on printer ink!”

Outside the building Jessica is stopped by Matt. He tells her she’s in danger but she tells him she knows he can ninja like a ninja. Matt doesn’t like this and breaks her camera. Rude!

16) My name is Inigo Montoya…

Screen Shot 2017-08-20 at 5.57.30 PM.jpg

STOP LOOKING INTO CAMERA

Upstairs Danny is monologizing and reveals he’s the Immortal Iron Fist. Grant is unfazed. Neither is her assistant, who pulls a gun on Danny. Rand neutralizes her but the gun goes off. Apparently, as Midland Circle, the motto is “Safety Last.”

17) Preliminary hearing

Matt hears the gunshot downstairs and gets an erection about the possiblity of a fight. He wraps Jessica’s scarf around his face and takes off for a service elevator.

18) Run the Jewels

Grant closes the doors on Danny and the board all stand up with their own company-issued sentry batons.

Midland Circle knows how to do swag. The only free shit I got from Funny or Die was an insulated keychain. Why is it insulated?

Anyhow, now it’s FIGHT SEASON!

Danny takes on the board until they hostile take over the fight. It looks bleak. Then the doors come off everything and here comes…

Screen Shot 2017-08-20 at 5.58.36 PM.jpg

“You told them you’re gonna fist them all?”

LUKE. F*CKING. CAGE.

Power Man & Iron Fist unload on everyone. Goons with machine guns empty a clip and Luke accepts the bullets like tiny baby bunny kisses.

Wave one goes down but we’re on “Hard” mode so here comes double the amount of goons, ready for a fight.

19) Elektrafying

Matt FINALLY makes it to the 22nd floor via the stairs. He arrives as Jessica gets off the elevator. He’s either fast on the stairs of that elevator needs service.

Luke and Danny make their own door in the wall and here all four heroes finally have a meet cute!

Danny demands they leave but Matt hears something/someone coming. Grant re-enters the board room with Elektra in tow. She stalks them as a new army of goons arrive and…

GO GO POWER RANGERSSSS

Matt goes toe-to-toe with Elektra until she toe-kicks his ass.

Step into my office

In a daze Matt realizes who he’s fighting and is freaked out. Elektra goes for a killing blow but Danny shows up to James Frey her s-words into a million tiny pieces.

FINALLY, the elevator arrives. The Defenders (like the show!) all get on and head out.

So I guess it WAS the elevator!


We literally close the circle on our heroes with this episode in Midland Circle. The last seven minutes are full of the action we all hoped for with this team-up. And if this is anything like the other Marvel series, you know what comes next - two episodes of nothing!

But seriously, that fight was awesome.

Check out more coverage of “The Defenders.”

Advertisement