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September 04, 2012

The Dennis Nedry I knew. Killed by a dilophosaurus but not forgotten. Allow me to share some of his finer qualities.



You know a lot has been said over the years about former Jurassic Park computer programmer, Dennis Nedry. He’s been viewed as a sloppy hacker who is money AND Doritos hungry. But I’m here to say, that…welp…that’s not entirely true. D, Ned (this is what his friends called him…well his semi-close friends. His close friends called him “Tank.” I’m not going to get into why.) was a great guy, and as I’d like to try to counter all of the bad press he’s received over the years with some good press.

Here are some of the positives you may not have known about Tank, aka D. Ned, aka, Dennis Nedry.

-Dude made some killer guac. Honestly. The best. He always used the ripest of avocados, and it was always the hit of the party. Chunky yet smooth. Spicy yet subtle. Delicious, yet delicious.

-He did an AMAZING Charlie Chaplin impression. As far as I’m concerned he WAS the Little Tramp. I’ve never seen a better physical comedian, and he wouldn’t even call himself physical, or a comedian.

-When he took the mic doing karaoke, he became Bruce Springsteen. If you closed your eyes, you’d think you were in the room with the Boss himself. And when you opened them, D. Ned would be wearing a bandattitude (a bandana with attitude).

-He invented the internet. This one you’re probably going to try to dispute, but I swear this guy came out of the womb programming. In fact, some say he programmed his own birth.

-He loved baja racing. His death might prove otherwise…though rain and mud are a different story…but Tank loved hopping in his Baja Racing Car and hitting the deep in’s and out’s of Los Cabos. I feel like I can still hear him exclaiming “I’m a mother fuckin champion” as he took a turn hard and harder.

Oh man D. Ned. You’re missed. Spread the news world, Dennis Nedry wasn’t as bad as you may have thought. In fact, he was pretty gosh darned amazing.