I am an angry, short man who:
-loves his wife (to the point of serious jealousy),
-enjoys watching my daughter's soccer team get the back-sides kicked inside out by the opposing teams,
-can't wait to see his son start wearing "boys" clothes (no more ballet dresses/older sister's skirts/etc.), and
-needs to find a new place to put his shoes, so the cat won't pee in them.