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October 17, 2012

Brian writes monologue jokes every day. “This is one of those days,” to misquote Fred Durst. You can find more at http://brianunderstands.tumblr.com and tell him he’s a muffin on Twitter @BrianLisi. Thank you.

During Tuesday night's presidential debate, Mitt Romney argued with the moderator regarding his time to respond. Romney not wanting to go home without having debated at least one person.

During the debate, Romney said that, while governor, he requested "binders full of women" to review for cabinet positions. As they say, like great-grandfather like great-grandson.

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said she takes responsibiltiy for not looking into requests to improve security at the U.S. embassy in Libya. Her husband admitted he had no idea you could do that.

In related news, the U.S. is preparing to conduct drone strikes inside Libya. Upsetting many Libyans who thought they were already doing them.

Apple will be holding an event on Oct. 23, possibly to unveil a smaller iPad. Or a larger iPhone depending on how you look at it.

Some seafood from Asia shipped to the U.S. is reportedly raised on pig and goose feces.  Making shrimp just slightly grosser.

In a written statement, the Taliban defended its decision to shoot 14-year-old activist Malala Yousufzai. Interestingly, they backed off their support of the firing of Red Sox manager Bobby Valentine.

The Taliban also criticized Yousufzai for "admiring the biggest enemy of Islam, Barack Obama." Also for "not supporting the biggest champion of Islam, Barack Obama."

Rep. Scott DesJarlais is being investigated for ethics violations for sleeping with a patient, who he then advised to have an abortion. An easy way to tell he's a Republican is that he wasn't able to convince her. (I don't know what that means either.)

Cuba will begin allowing citizens to travel abroad without a permit. "Oh great, more brownies," said a fat person next to a dessert table sincerely.

Microsoft announced that their new tablet computer, the Surface, will cost at least $499. Causing bloggers to note the price is comparable to the iPad and that most people don't care what they say.

Paintings by artists including Picasso, Matisse, and Monet have been stolen from a museum in the Netherlands. A work by Piet Mondrian may have been stolen as well but the loss is considered minimal.

Pizza Hut is apologizing for offering free pizza for life to anyone who asks Barack Obama or Mitt Romney if they prefer pepperoni or sausage at Tuesday's town hall debate. They're also apologizing for offering pizza to anyone.

The Supreme Court rejected Ohio's request to block early voting. Because deciding an election is only something the Supreme Court can do.