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December 11, 2015

For everyone dreaming of a white Christmas and a green wallet.

The holiday season is a joyous time to be spent with family and friends. But it can also be a strain on your wallet. Here are some tips to keep your family happy and your wallet fat.

  • Instead of buying expensive wrapping paper, just don’t get anyone any presents at all this year.
  • Old porno mags make great gifts for teen boys and middle-aged adult men, to be honest.
  • Strategically break ties with loved ones so you have fewer gifts to buy.
  • If you see someone ringing the bells for Salvation Army, those pots usually have a lotta cash in em.
  • Santa’s gonna be in such a hurry, he won’t even notice if it’s breast milk.
  • Come out to your wife and kids. It’ll distract them for at least a day or two and by then Christmas is over.
  • Why buy a Playstation 4, when you can get four Playstation Ones for the same price?
  • Save money on firewood by turning your TV to the “Yule Log” station and then lighting it on fire.
  • Automatic timers on your lights can be a big money saver. However, an even bigger money saver is plugging your lights directly into a neighbor’s power outlet.