I just remembered one reason you all should know me - I am a minor TV star.
See, last year I was a contestant (ahem, a winning contestant) on a little show called Chain Reaction. I know, I'm impressed too!
It's on the Game Show Network? At like 10pm? No?
Since I have so much time on my hands at the old day job, I tend to explore things like Craigslist (just once, I'd like to be the person who discovers and links to someone offering a free beanbag shaped like balls or breaks news about a terror cell seeking new recruits in the M-4-M section, but no). One fateful day though, I found an application for a game show. Little did I know it would be a game show with very few advertising dollars behind it, hence, very small payout. But advertising dollars don't buy bragging rights which are actually a more valuable currency to me, hence why I live in an apartment the size of a closet.
The application was for a team, so me and my buddies Glennis and Kate applied. Part of me thought this would be one of those things that, once we three become some of Barbara Walters' Most Fascinating People, they would find the clip of us on a game show and we would blush and act coy, but honestly being on a basic cable network, getting made over by a somewhat professional hair and makeup lady and eating free cold cut sandwiches in the green room was totally enough.
Also, in case you seriously don't know what show I'm talking about, it's a pretty big deal to some people. Namely the people who troll the GSN.com message boards. After the episode I starred in aired (let's face it, I carried the show), the boards were abuzz, saying things (out of jealously) like "When are today's generation of contestant coordinators gonna learn that it's not cool to hire contestants based only on their looks and not on their knowledge?" and "the contestants are still the same types of pretty, obnoxious young people who don't really have a grip on the game."
OMG OMG. I have looks! I am pretty!
The truth of the matter is, I am not making those quotes up and people are seriously that bent out of shape over the casting of the show. Also, I'm not a total dipshit with only stunning good looks to offer. I mean, okay, I went to my safety school, but when it comes to standing on a stage forming phrases that link to each other, I am like B- at least. I'm not going to question their judgement when it comes to my looks though. Also, Glennis and Kate are pretty hot and stupid so these posts could be exclusively about them.
My favorite moment came before filming when Glennis, situated between Kate and me on CONTESTANT'S ROW, was given a box to stand on (despite the fact that the three of us are the same height, it's not like we smuggled her in in our pocket). When she noticed that the HOST OF THE SHOW, TELEVISION'S DYLAN LANE had taken the stage, she, being cute and flirty said "Hi Dylan!" and waved, and I, being bitchy and saboteur-like, said "Haaa, look Dylan! Glennis is standing on a box!"
Which is roughly the time when HOST OF THE SHOW, TELEVISION'S DYLAN LANE took a perch onto a box of his own. The dude is short. And also, oops! And also also, haha!
While we're still theorizing that some foul play occurred during the bonus round of the show because we didn't win the BIG PRIZE, we still won against the opposing team and got my most favoritest picture ever out of the deal. Glennis looks pained, like her brain hurts. Luckily, shameless plug, her brain has since been intact enough to create hilarious videos like the Rap Girl on the Phone.
So. The moral of the story is that even though you might not find an upholstered nutsack, Craigslist is still a really great resource.