These tweets are getting us all hot and bothered … with laughter! Don’t be gross, this is a family site.
Bae: Come over.— some light crying (@somelightcrying) August 1, 2014
Bae: My parents aren't home.
Me: I'm here.
Bae: I'm so horny.
Me: I'm literally having sex with you.
i don't understand why ppl use "dessert" as a euphemism for sex. if we go back to ur place "for dessert" & there's no dessert i'll be upset— didi (@priya_ebooks) February 18, 2016
remember being 13 n being like— crissy milazzo (@crissymilazzo) February 19, 2016
this is what sex is i think pic.twitter.com/MWl6t7wIOD
i hope when i finally have sex it's exactly like the blink 182 song "feeling this"— darcie (@333333333433333) January 3, 2016
Once a guy told me, as we were having sex in the spooning position, "this is how they did it in Munich (the movie)."— Gabriella Paiella (@GMPaiella) August 29, 2015
I have never once answered the phone while having sex. Movies & tv shows have taught me I'm doing it wrong.— Kumail Nanjiani (@kumailn) June 22, 2015
i just remembered this guy i had sex w told me one time he took his contacts out while still penetrating someone— allison (@allstn) February 21, 2016
[During Sex]— Crystal kay (@platinum2000) January 25, 2016
"Hurry up, this isn't really my house."
"There's nothing in the rule book that says a dog can't have sex with my mom." from Air Bud: My New Step-Doodle— Zach Broussard (@ZachBroussard) January 14, 2016
When someone at the dog park tells me my dog is fast, I always say, "She didn't get it from me!" (joke about having sex with my dog's mom)— Max Silvestri (@maxsilvestri) December 15, 2015
don't give your kids the Sex Talk just show them this picture instead: pic.twitter.com/UhSY34FPlN— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) December 12, 2015
weird that we use birds and bees as a metaphor for sex because personally, i've never wanted to have sex with either. maybe that's just me— demi adejuyigbe (@electrolemon) January 2, 2016
My therapist told me to "do the thing that scares me the most" so yes I had sex with a ghost— Anna Drezen (@annadrezen) June 1, 2015
My official trend forecast for what is Cool In 2016: (sorry sex is still not cool) pic.twitter.com/zk3BLej0ap— Katie Notopoulos (@katienotopoulos) January 2, 2016
approximately half of the Internet is pornographic drawings of Bart Simpson having sex with Marge Simpson— joe mande (@JoeMande) July 28, 2015
Whenever I'm having sex with someone I'm like we are definitely flirting right now— Jake Weisman (@weismanjake) October 19, 2015
friend: how old were you when you realized your parents had sex?— dan mentos (@DanMentos) January 8, 2016
me: haha what
[having sex on kitchen table]— Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) February 13, 2016
IKEA salesman: please stop
According to Shazam my neighbors are having sex!!— Mike Scollins (@mikescollins) August 19, 2015
I can hear my neighbors having sex and I gotta say it seems awfully premarital— Chris Scott (@iamchrisscott) December 15, 2015
You promised your dad to wait until marriage to have sex? I promised my dad I would stop eating gas station hot dogs. *girls admire my ring*— Jackie Carbajal (@jackiecarbajal) January 30, 2016
Sometimes I wonder if I'm pregnant and then I realize I would have to be like 19 months pregnant— Mary Kobayashi (@MaryKoCo) November 5, 2012
The Wright Brothers first time only last 12 seconds. So did their first flight! hahaha sex joke (chanting now) sex joke sex joke sex joke se— shut up, mike (@shutupmikeginn) February 16, 2016
[shipwreck diary]— David Hughes (@david8hughes) April 29, 2015
Day 5: I haven't had sex in over 6 months