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August 14, 2017
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These bot twitter accounts are fire.

Twitter is full of fake automated accounts. Some say the ratio between actual users and bots is close to 1:1. Unfortunately, most twitter bots maintain very boring and generic accounts. However, some of these bots’ algorithmic content is very good and will make you want to RT, follow and possibly fall in love.

Before I show you some of the more entertaining accounts, I should probably show you what your average bot account is like. Sometimes it is very obvious that a twitter account is a bot. Maybe it’s constantly trolling, or posting inappropriate pictures, or advertising brands. This bot account “@funjessword” is doing the latter.

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Nobody talks like this. Clearly it is a bot account.

This account has obviously been programmed to appear as a lovely young lady that enjoys shopping at Target. Companies will pay to have these bot accounts created to make it seem like their brand is more popular than it actually is. That is the purpose of a lot of bot accounts, like @funjessward’s. It’s a shame, though, Jess seems like a cool girl!

Anyway, on to what you came here for: the interesting bots that I think you should follow.


1. Bot That Tweets At Val Kilmer Everyday Telling Him To Make More Movies

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This one is a little niche. Obviously the person who programmed this bot’s algorithm really misses Kilmer being in movies. I’d say I have to agree with it! Either way, this bot’s programmed persistence to troll Val Kilmer is impressive, and it’s passion makes it entertaining enough to follow.


2. Bot That Counts Down Until The Day After Christmas

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It seems like, for me at least, the day after Christmas can be a real bummer. All the anticipation for one of the most wonderful days of the year has come and passed, sometimes leaving you in a funk. This twitter bot looks forward to that day, Boxing Day (a holiday not widely celebrated in the United States). The worst part is that this account knows about the “post-Christmas blues,” saying “____ days until the sad day after Christmas."I, for one, get a kick out of this sad programmed robotic tweet machine.


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Don’t be fooled!

Just to reiterate, all the accounts on this list are bot accounts. There are not real people operating these profiles. It’s weird though, in @funjessword’s case, that an automated account would be programed to tweet such a normal thing. I did the research and contacted Twitter and they confirmed that this account has been identified as a “non-harmful automated account.” It’s a bot just like all the others. She’s not at the beach. There is no Jess Ward.


3. The Doomsday Clock Bot

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The Doomsday Clock twitter account is daily auto-updated look at the real life Doomsday Clock. For those who do not know, the Doomsday Clock was created by bored scientists and critical thinkers to represent the threat of nuclear apocalypse. As the threat of nuclear warfare gets closer, so does the minute to midnight. I follow this automated account because I think it is fun to have a fairly decent idea of when my life could potentially end.


4. Bot That Generates Photos That Make Young Celebrities Look Old

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This bot is out to prove that celebrities are not perfect and will, in fact, one day die (a fact we all are well aware of after 2016).

This bot hates celebrities and can’t wait for them to get old and die. To speed up the process, the A.I. constantly takes photos of celebrities from the internet and “ages” them. In it’s robot mind, this brings all celebrities closer to death. It’s funny to see this bot get so worked up over other’s stardom.


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Who hurt you Jess? What sick, cowardly fuck would ever cause harm to you? Give me their name and I will end them. I will do anything for you. I mean…I will report an abusive account to Twitter, if need be. Obviously you are not a real person so there is no need to protect you in real life. I know that. I…I only want you to feel welcomed on this website, bot or not.


5. Bot That Only Tweets A YouTube Link Of A Happy Duck Dancing

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I mean, come on. This one is just too fun. I’m sure you’ve heard of it, too. Once every couple of months, this bot tweets a link to a hilarious video of a happy duck dancing. It never fails to go viral.


6. Bot That Alerts You When A Nuclear Missile Has Been Launched

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This bot is kind of a fear monger. The only reason it’s on the list is because it’s fun to watch it fight with the @Doomsday_Clock bot.


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Okay, damn it, maybe it’s just that I care too much. Fuck. Is that a crime? Is it a sin to feel? I love Jess. I don’t care if she is an algorithm. She gets it. She gets me. I mean, just look: She thinks work is boring! I think work is boring! It could be analytics or it could be true love. Again, I have contacted Twitter and this is a confirmed bot account. But maybe they have made a mistake. Who knows!? Either way, @funjessword is worth the follow and also I am in love with her.


7. Bot That Reprimands Other Accounts For Taking The Lord’s Name In Vain

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This bot was coded to take it’s job seriously

This bot is programmed to reprimand any user that takes the Lord’s name in vain. That’s all.


Hold on.


8. Bot That Acts Too Real To Be An Algorithm. It’s Tweets Have Too Much Life In Them To Be Programmed. The Bot You Think You Could Hold…Could Love. The Bot That Gets You More Than Any Other Real Account Or Person Ever Has.

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Just a minute now. Are you kidding me? Computers don’t have friends. Chances are Ali is a real person! Which means Jess…isn’t a bot(?). I don’t know. Maybe. Who knows! AHHHHH. Oh man, this is so hard! It’s hard being in love!!!!

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