Full Credits

Stats & Data

July 31, 2015

Define the relationship, NSA.

Okay, so, maybe I’m making too big a deal out of this, but today I found out the NSA has been monitoring the Japanese government and its top corporations since like…2007. And it’s like, okay, am I crazy to be just a LITTLE jealous?

I know the NSA has never explicitly said, hey Becca, we think you’re important and interesting and we’re going to secretly monitor you and distribute your personal information to our allies. But when I watched Citizen Four, it was like, okay, they’re not NOT doing that, you know? Like,I’m not the kind of person who needs to put labels on things. If the NSA doesn’t want to talk about it, that’s fine. We both know what this is.

At least, that’s what I thought. But now this comes out and it’s like, okay, the NSA was DEFINITELY watching Japan, and DEFINITELY sending their documents around. So then I started to think to myself, were they ever even watching me?

But then also it’s like, why do I even CARE if the NSA is watching me? I have tons of other stuff going on. I like to hang out with my friends offline, and sometimes I set my browser to private. But at the same time, I don’t put tape over my webcam, and I think the NSA knows that.

And also, okay,before you judge me for being super selfish, I know that this has like maaaaajor implications for international diplomacy and governments not being able to trust each other. I mean, Japan was basically like “I’ve been hurt before, do you think I can love again & trust?” and the NSA is like “TOTALLY” and Japan’s like “Hmm idk…” meanwhile like scribbling in their notebooks “Mrs. Japan United States.“

But the messed up thing is Japan was RIGHT! They were RIGHT not to trust. And I think we need to stand in solidarity against the NSA when they totally ignore our feelings like this–like, for sure, the NSA is the bad guy–but at the same time I still kind of hate Japan? Because even though in the end they got totally dicked over, at least the NSA was paying attention to them for this long? You know?

I’m not going to just assume the worst, though. So NSA, if you’re reading this, here’s what I want to know: I don’t care if you can’t commit to monitoring me for 8 years. I don’t care if you can’t even commit to hacking into my phone. I just want to know if you’re interested in me. Yes or No. Simple. If this thing with Japan is real, I need you to tell me in unequivocal terms so I can get on the radar of some other surveillance organization like the ASIO or C-DOT or even SORM. I’m not just going to wait around for you to figure out that I’m worth spying on. Because I know I’ve been worth it all along.

Silence? Oh man. You are so reading my emails right now! I knew it.