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July 22, 2008
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* ALEXANDRIA —  Goodbye PedEgg, hello garra rufa? It's true, the popular pedicure egg is being replaced. For those with extra cheese on their feet, the latest in spa pampering is fish pedicures.

The little garra rufa fish, also known as the doctor fish, are set in a foot bath, where crusty footed patrons allow these hungry little fishies all the funk their feet can offer. The small toothless fish, gnaw off all of the dead skin.

First used in Turkey and in some Asian countries, they are now creating quite a splash in the D.C. area. Pedicures cost $50 for 30 minutes. The spa employs more than 1,000 fish, with about 100 in each individual pedicure tub.

Sources close to the fish say, "Will work for foot flakes."

One patron said, "I'd been an athlete all my life, so I've always had calluses on my feet. This was the first time somebody got rid of my calluses completely."

Sources close to her toes say, "Where is Pinky Toe? PINKY?! Oh God! We've lost another!"

Sources close to the optimistic Big Toe say, "Pinky probably just went wee-wee-wee all the way home. Let's not panic, guys."


* MIAMI — Tropical Storm Dolly intensified in the western Gulf of Mexico. Dolly is expected to produce total rain accumulations of 4 to 8 inches, with isolated amounts of 15 inches over the next few days.

Sources close to Dolly say, "We are always hopeful for those isolated amounts of 15 inches. I mean, really. Who doesn't want 15 inches? But to have the Best Little Whore House in Texas, you need  three other things. First and foremost, big hair in Texas is a must. Secondly, you have to be wet, I mean really wet. And finally, you need to blow like no one has ever blown before."


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