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June 14, 2012
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Brian writes monologue jokes every day. This is one of those days. He may or may not be incarcerated. You can find more at http://brianunderstands.tumblr.com and tell him he’s a muffin on Twitter @BrianLisi. Thank you.

A study that calls into question the effectiveness of gay parents is being criticized for its definition of "gay." For example, the car from "Knight Rider"? Really gay.

Rep. Gabrielle Giffords' former aid Ron Barber won her seat in the House of Representatives. Causing Republicans to jokingly but then seriously consider a strategy in which people try to kill them.

Lance Armstrong has been formally charged with doping. Said Armstrong, "I'll face these unfounded accusations with every YOU CAN'T CATCH ME, I'M ON A BIKE, oh right, you have cars."

A new survey suggests about half of independents don't like either Obama’s or Romney's economic plans. So the question for both campaigns is now, "Who cares?"

The Southern Baptist Convention, known for once defending slavery, elected a black minister as its president. It's their way of saying, "We'd like to finally pay you."

David Arquette is divorcing Courteney Cox. And yes, he's just as surprised as she is.

Yahoo! and CNBC announced a new partnership. It should work too since they're both the David Arquettes of the relationship.

Russia defended its choice to sell attack helicopters to Syria. Said Russia, "Guys, you can use attack helicopters for other reasons."

In a phone interview with Piers Morgan, Casey Anthony said, “There’s no one I loved more than my daughter." Case in point: Everyone in her life is dead.

NASA launched a new telescope to search for previously unknown black holes. Making it one of the most expensive alternatives to Google.

In Webster, Texas, a tie in a City Council election was decided by the roll of a die. Admittedly a bit unorthodox since it was done without the presence of a dungeon master.

One candidate rolled a 4 while the other rolled a 5. But truly, the real winner was democracy.

 

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