AMC's hit series Breaking Bad has inspired a dramatic rise in drug trafficking in suburban neighborhoods across the country, a new study shows.
The FDA, which released the study following Breaking Bad's Season 5 premiere Sunday, reports that middle class suburban parents have embraced the show's star, high school Chemestry teacher turned drug kingpin Walter White (Bryan Cranston), as a cult hero.
"Every day regular folks are cashing in their 401K’s or their kids' college funds, shaving their heads and opening up Meth labs," says FDA representative Rita Lopez.
Former systems analyst turned Meth kingpin, Daneil Hokkaido, who now goes by the alias "Blackrock,"says the drug trade has improved his life in countless ways.
"Forget about the staggering sums of money," Blackrock told Hollywood Leek, "drugs have helped me become a better husband and father. I now treasure every moment with my family 'cause I know I might wake up tomorrow with my decapitated head riding on the back of a turtle just like Tortuga in Season 2."
"And our sex life is off the charts!" added Blackrock’s wife / money launderer. "There’s something very romantic about bathing in a tub full of money - the same tub we use to chop rival dealers into little pieces. We really couldn’t be happier."