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July 13, 2016

A not in depth exploration of jobs, for the illumination of anyone who, lets be frank, has got to be pretty dim if this article can benefit them.

Money - What is it and how to get it - Part Two - Jobs

In Part One we went over what money is, and now in Part Two we’re going to discuss the most common way to get it, a job.

First, an apology for having Part Two actually cover what we said it would in Part One. It would have been a clever twist to claim we were going to cover one thing and then actually write about something else, but we lack that kind of intelligence and wit, as it would have required thinking of something else to write about, and we’re also lazy.
So, Jobs. The word may sound familiar. “Hmm,” you say, “Aren’t those the things where you hang around with your friends all day at some sort of office or factory, talking and joking and playing pranks? Or using high tech gear or some sort of extraordinary trait to solve crimes that no-one else can?” No. You may want to sit down for this. Television has lied to you. This will likely come as a shock to you, but that is not an accurate representation of what jobs really are. In reality jobs are much more entertaining and fun than portrayed on tv. That is why there are many people who work more than the standard 40 hours a week, jobs are so much fun that they want to do them all the time. Some people even do the extra work for no extra money, so you know that they’re having a good time!
How do you know if a job is for you? Take this fun quiz, answering true or false to each question:
1) I need money
2) I enjoy completing a task only to be given differing instructions after completing it, requiring it to be done again
3) I believe that being belittled by a supervisor who is taking their resentments out on me is a fun way to spend time
4) $15.00 an hour should actually mean $12.00 an hour
5) Customers should be allowed to yell at service employees for any reason whatsoever, especially if it’s unrelated to what the service provided is actually supposed to be.
6) I have too much time on my hands, and need to fill it with something that I dislike

Score yourself one point for every question that you answered as True, zero points for every question that you answered as False, and minus one point for any question that was interrupted by a call from your trust fund manager. 0 or less points: You do not need to worry about getting a job at this point. Also, can you loan a pal fifty bucks?
1 or more points: Bad news, it’s time that you get a job.
But how do you go about getting a job? We will address that in Part Three. See how we strung you along there? This is the internet, we’re not going to put all the information on one page if we can get you to have to click through multiple pages! You’re lucky that we didn’t make you click to another page for each pararaph, with ads interspersed, ads that you had to watch part of to even get to the next page! Which we would have liked to have done, but as mentioned before, we’re lazy. Once again you have benefited by American’s dislike of having to do put in any additional effort. Greatest. Country. On. Earth.