They say life is about the journey, not the destination. Driving an automatic car leaves you with one hand free to catch all the countless surprises life throws at you…well, not countless, 47 to be exact.
1. Get in driver’s seat and start engine.
2. Check back seat for killers as you do every time you get in a car.
3. Safely back out of driveway.
4. Remark to yourself how easy that was since you didn’t have to switch gears.
5. Hear “I know! Right?”!
6. Realize you forgot to check the FRONT seat for killers!
7. Throw car in park.
8. Again – wow. So easy in an automatic.
9. Tell that killer to take a hike!
10. Continue on your solo road trip to Six Flags.
11. Get mad at the traffic—if you let that killer stay in the car you could’ve used the HOV lane!
12. Realize you don’t mind spending a little extra time on the road. Again—at least you don’t have to switch gears.
13. Turn up that new Jesse J song. NOW this car’s a party.
14. Pull into Six Flags.
15. Remember where you parked by noticing yours is the car that rules and everyone else here drove in a piece of shit.
16. Use the Single Rider line and hop right on Kingda Ka.
17. Realize that riding Kingda Ka’s pretty fun but, to be honest, you liked riding in your car better.
18. Play that game where you try to knock milk bottles over.
19. Lose $2000 trying to win one of those Rastafarian Banana dolls.
20. Eat 17 funnel cakes to make yourself feel better. First 16 go down easy. Last one’s a struggle.
21. Realize you didn’t get your picture with Tweety but you’re still about ready to take off.
22. Leave a comment card for the Six Flags manager saying, “This place is cool and all but you should tear down a rollercoaster and build a giant Fiat Abarth that let’s riders feel like they’re in a real Fiat Abarth!”
23. Happily pay the Six Flags parking fee—parking was the best part of your day!
24. Oh man, I’ll be honest those funnel cakes aren’t sitting well.
25. Roll down that window and just barf, barf, barf.
26. Be so thankful that killer wasn’t here to see this. EMBARRASSING!
27. Turn on the A/C, crank some tunes and go back to enjoying the ride.
28. Say out loud to nobody, “I bet if I wanted to I could fly this car right into the sky like the last scene in Grease…”
29. Apologize on-duty officer for trying to fly your car right into the sky like the last scene in Grease.
30. Get off with just a warning cause cop likes your style.
31. Swap Twitter handles and vow to keep in touch.
32. Soon as he’s out of sight, rip up his Twitter handle and say, “Pfft, I ain’t following that nerd.”
33. See sign for Drive-In Movie Theater. Decide to just go ahead and make a day of this.
34. Demand to pay for two tickets since your car is just as much a person as you are.
35. See preview for Herbie The Love Bug.
36. Try to impress car by saying you know him in real life.
37. Feel the seats warm without you pressing any buttons.
38. Realize, “Alright, things are getting a little weird between me and this car.”
39. Have a lovely drive home. Truly this has been the best part of the day.
40. Realize what Emerson meant when it said it’s about the journey not the destination. Emerson was driving a Fiat Abarth when he wrote that.
41. Pull back into driveway.
42. Oh God, that killer’s still here!
43. Just as you’re about to tell him off, realize he’s holding one of those Rastafarian Banana dolls.
44. Accept his gift and apology.
45. Put Rastafarian Banana in the passenger seat.
46. Buckle him in.
47. Enjoy the HOV lane for the rest of your life.