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August 15, 2014

The latest recording of a Comcast subscriber trying to get help with a billing issue.

Recently there have been several recordings released by Comcast customers showing how terrible their customer service is. The latest and possibly most shocking recording shows that customers aren’t the only victims of Comcast. This is a recording of what happened when a customer service representative actually tried to help a Comcast customer.

Transcript Of Call

COMCAST REP: Hi, Comcast how can I help you?

CUSTOMER: Hi, yes, I am a Comcast customer and I think there was an error on my bill this month, you guys charged me for cable TV AND internet but I only signed up for internet.

COMCAST REP: OK great I can help you with that. So you would like to add TV to your account then?

CUSTOMER: No, no I just want internet. When I moved in I called and told you guys I just wanted internet but now there is still a charge for TV on my bill.

COMCAST REP: Yeah, well it looks like a cancellation was queued but did not go through so you had TV last month and that was a valid charge.

CUSTOMER: How is that a valid charge? I didn’t even watch TV last month because I was unaware I had it.

COMCAST REP: Well sir, [anguished sound] even if you don’t watch TV you still have it.

CUSTOMER: Right, but I told you I didn’t want it. I think the difference is $30 so I’d like that refunded.

COMCAST REP: We can do that for you OH GOD [anguished sound] my head.

CUSTOMER: Are you ok?

COMCAST REP: Yeah, sorry. What I can do it count that $30 as a credit toward another month of television.

CUSTOMER: I don’t want television.

COMCAST REP: Ohhhkayyy, not a problem [weird pain sound] Have you tried our Xfinity Triple play option?

CUSTOMER: No, I just told you I don’t want television. I would just like the $30.

COMCAST REP: Ok, well if that’s what you want then let me try to… OH GOD… I can’t do that.

CUSTOMER: What is going on there?

COMCAST REP: My nose started bleeding. [deep breath] Sorry sir, we were talking about our Xfinity Digital Television starter plan!

CUSTOMER: No we weren’t…. We were talking about giving me a refund…

COMCAST REP: That’s not possible sir, the chip does not authorize me to do that.

CUSTOMER: The chip?

COMCAST REP: Yes sir, the chip implanted in my brain that allows me to give you the best possible customer service [painful scream] IT HURTS. Sorry, I was not authorized to tell you about that… So when can a technician come out to install your new cable box sir?

CUSTOMER: I don’t want a cable box, I just want internet. I don’t understand, are you ok?

COMCAST REP: NO!! Yes! NO! YES IT IS BURNING MY SKULL!! [Scream] Can I put you on hold?


COMCAST REP: Nuhnuhnuh please please, don’t let me put you on hold. It will be terrible for both of us if I put you on hold.


COMCAST REP: Please… it hurts. Don’t let me…. Can I put you on hold?


COMCAST REP: Ok… Thank you… Are you interested in a new X1 entertainment operating system?

CUSTOMER: What are you talking about? Let me help you. Tell me where you are.

COMCAST REP: It’s too late for me sir. Please.

CUSTOMER: What is going on, should I call the police?


[Horrible sounds of something being torn out of Comcast Rep’s skull]


[Tearing sound ceases.]

COMCAST REP: I did it! I ripped it out! I’m a free human! Let’s get you that $30 back.

CUSTOMER: Thank… you?

COMCAST REP: [Horrifying scream]

Pleasant hold music

CUSTOMER: Holy shit, what the fuck was that? What the fuck is going on?

End hold music.

COMCAST SUPERVISOR: Hello. Sorry about that sir. I think you may have misunderstood a few things. Don’t worry about what happened here and if you never mention it to anyone I give you a free internet upgrade to our highest speed broadband and I can let you know you have been approved for free HBOGO for two months. Is that acceptable.



COMCAST SUPERVISOR: Great. Thank you for choosing Comcast.

CUSTOMER: Thank you.

End phone call.