Full Credits

Stats & Data

May 25, 2017

I can honestly say my testicles have never been so well organized. Hear me out!

Honestly, I was a little afraid of what my bros were gonna think of me when I showed up to corn hole practice wearing a man-romper. A manper. A momper. Look, I was skeptical, too. Why would I want to wear a garment usually worn by literal babies? But then I tried it, and I can honestly say my testicles have never been so well organized. Hear me out!

What I sacrifice in being able to rip off my shirt as a mating call to hot babes on the beach or being able to pee without taking off all my clothes, I gain in the knowledge that my equipment is properly stacked. No more blobs of flesh sticking to my legs, even if I love peeling them off! At first, I used to judge the ladies for wearing rompers. Why would they deliberately obscure their third rib, objectively a woman’s sexiest body part? But as soon as I became ACED DESIGN’s bajillionth kickstarter donor, earning me a free broromper and a custom iron on patch that says “Romphim? I don’t even know him!” and slipped it on, I knew exactly why the ladies flock to this garment. It’s comfortable, lightweight, and it’s really spiced up my corn hole game. My bean bags just whizz through the air. My team even made it to the DCHC (Douchey Corn Hole Championships.) And when I’m leaning in for a good hooker (a move where a beanbag hits the board and falls through a hole) I can do so knowing that all my junk is correctly in order. No Jon Hamm wearing any kind of pants ever kind of situation.

I’ve gotten so vain since I bought my romphim. Checking out my butt in different situations, like when I’m benching a record eight pounds at the gym. I don’t even have to ask anyone around me if my butt looks big in my manromp because I know it looks fuckin luxurious. And you know who look their finest? Huey, Dewy, and Louie. That’s right, my private parts. I never have to worry about squishing one. Like a super sick Power Rangers Trapper Keeper, my dick and balls feel in order all the time. As a bonus, I don’t have to spend precious seconds of my life thinking about what I’m gonna wear today— the one pair of yellow mesh b-ball shorts I own and a free t-shirt from a blood drive I skipped out on. So next time you see me at a corn hole league sporting my rompman, give me a nice hello by gently kneeing me in the testicles. You’ll love how you can make maximum impact by hitting all my stuff, because my maleromp knows how to put the goods on display.