It’s almost here!! It’s almost here!!!! No, I’m not talking about my period, ‘cause I ain’t seen that shit in like three months, I mean the summer Olympics. I LOOOVE the summer Olympics! Oh, and when I say the summer Olympics I’m obviously just talking about women’s gymnastics, because I only like sports that involve dance and sparkly outfits.
I love watching tiny little girls with huge eating disorders prance around and tumble through the air, defying the laws of gravity and child endangerment. When I was a kid I always dreamed of being an Olympic gymnast- but then I realized I was an awkward Jewess with mild scoliosis and a fear of trying, so that dream died. Sometimes I wish that it were me and not that little bitch Kerri Strug that Bella Karolyi had to lift into his arms and carry to the medal stand.
One time I got food poisoning and I was so weak from crapping, my boyfriend had to carry me to the bathroom, I’d like to think that it was a comparable experience.
I really hope our gymnastics team brings home the gold this year in China, but I have my fears. We might be good, but those Chinese gymnasts are hardcore. They don’t fuck around over there, they start training them very young-
(note to self- make my toddler do more crunches)
While I’m on the subject of strapping young boys, did anyone see the Nadal/Federer match the other day? I didn’t, but I’m taking a class on how to engage in small talk so I thought I’d try it out on you guys with that question. How’d I do?