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Published September 03, 2012 More Info »
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Published September 03, 2012

 

The Cult of Oogiloves

 

 
Cult Leaders
 
 
Oogieloves had the worst three day opening of all time according to Wall Street Journal garnering only $448,000 dollars.
 
According to THR,” The plot revolves around three Oogieloves-played by grown-ups in foam costumes- who try to retrieve five magic balloons in time for the birthday party of their pet pillow, Schluufy.”
 
Pet pillows? Grown-ups in foam costumes? Schluufy?
 
I can’t believe a move finally managed to combine all my favorite things. It’s an interactive experience, where the characters encourage the kids to dance in the dark theater (probably not a great idea, safety wise, but hilarity wise? Excellent).
 
Yet, when I first viewed the trailer, I imagined mass suicides by parents in the theaters after the third sing-a-longs, strangling themselves with the their child safety leashes. 
 
 
 
 
Trailer highlights:
 
“Pleased be Reminded that Once the show start: if you plan on Talking, if you feel like singing, and if you can’t stop dancing… Then you’re in the right place!”
 
“Goobie is Scientastic”
 
“Zoozie is Sparkleliciousness” (not recognized by spellcheck).
 
“Toofie is Adventurific”
 
Giant cow on top of Milky Marvin’s Milkshake Manor? Yes. If you’re looking for originality and alliteration. Check.
 
Christopher Lloyd doing the cha-cha? Count me in. Doc Brown’s got the moves.
 
Jaime Pressley getting so turned on when she kisses a foam goldfish that she exclaims: Holy Mackerel!
 
From the “Visionary” of the Teletubbies, I’m going to guess that “Visionary” in this instance just refers to people who possess the power of sight.  Don’t get me wrong, I love the Teletubbies, but I stared into that Baby sun way too long and lost some of my visual compacity, it’s obvious that the Teletubbies creators have regained their vision after taking part in the same stare down.
 
 
 
 
 
THE CULT
 
Now that everyone has officially rejected this movie both critically and financially, it has entered my realm. I now love it, even though I haven’t seen it. It’s already one of my favorite movies because it isn’t anyone else’s favorite movie. That's how post-modernism works, but it's not hipsterism, it's not. Ok, it's not or maybe it is? 
 
 I don’t think anyone has said this yet, so I’ll be the first. I’m officially starting the Cult of Oogieloves in The Big Balloon Adventure. It’s got everything that I look for in a cult movie: Interactive opportunities, batshit craziness, genuine effort to make a good movie with no winking or self-awareness.
 
 
I am now the Cult Leader of Oogieloves, and that makes me Sparkleliciousness. 
 
 
 
The Hollywood Defender

 

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