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October 25, 2016

A summary of the third presidential debate, in verse

Good Evening from Las Vegas

A summary of the third presidential debate, in verse
by Dave Tilford

Hi, my name is Wallace (Chris)
Michael was my father
I have some questions for you both
(Aw hell, why do I bother?)

Hey, there’s Malik in the house
And look! It’s Sarah Palin
Ruddy Rudy on TV
A-sneerin’ and assailin’

The candidates are on the stage
Jill, we told to go
Gary’s at the kids’ table
Finding Aleppo

WikiLeak! Take a peak
Juicy stuff, I’ll bet
Now Julian’s in the embassy
Without an internet

So let’s talk about your budget plan
Will taxes play a role?
Trumped-up trickle,
Down we go, into the rabbit hole

Nine hundred million written off
Returns that can’t be seen
Time to show some spleen

Thirty thousand emails lost!
Vanished, gone away!
Shouldn’t you be jailed for that?
(What did Comey say?)

Foundation fingers ‘round the globe
How does the money flow?
Piddle peddle influence
A quid’ll get you quo

Some foundations furnish well
A club or family flat
Six-foot portrait of the Don
(I mean… who does that?)

Our standing in the world is down
But rest assured I’ll up it
Disputin’ ‘bout (ras)Putin
(He’d rather have a puppet)

Refugees are cast adrift
To turn our back’s a sin
Bah. Trojans send a horse our way
And we just let it in?

The immigrants who made it here
Should we let them stay?
No. Build a wall and toss ‘em o’er
Every bad hombre

Last time in the White House
Your husband went a-roamin’
Egad, you’ve nerve to speak of that
(What a nasty woman)

When you’re rich and famous
Just grab her by the [tush]
Assaulter? Stalker? Locker talker?
Mel blames Billy Bush

Ok, I think we’re finished here
It’s time to say goodnight
I thank you both for coming and
Engaging in this fight

Come November, Don or Hill?
(No, you can’t pick Pence)
But will you graciously concede?
Eh… I’ll keep you in suspense.