It’s Mother’s Day, gang, and before we get into last night’s best sketches, I’d like to insert a very special Thank You to my mom, Lisa. She selflessly reads every single article I write for the internet even though she’s usually confused (“What is ‘amirite’?”) and sometimes finds out things she didn’t want to know (I watched The Nanny so often as a kid because, like Elizabeth Banks, I first got horny 2 Mr. Sheffield). Mom, you’ve pushed me to write for all audiences, not just female American millennials who don’t exercise and spend most of their time in front of screens, but I still do not do that. Love you!
“You know, the same haircut that all moms have – that’s a soft waterfall in the front and knives in the back.”
SNL always serves up some great mom-com when Mother’s Day rolls around (or just whenever, I don’t know when those sketches aired. Sue me!). This year, the female cast focused on the true mark of motherhood: the haircut. Host Brie Larsen plays a mother-to-be at a baby shower populated with moms from her new neighborhood, all of whom sport the same haircut that looks like “you’re going to a formal event, but on the way, you were struck by lightning.” They assure her that when “something breaks” inside of her, she will join their cultish ranks: once she decides her bathroom must be decorated with seashells and a flip-flop shaped soap dispenser, or when she can’t leave a wedding without taking a centerpiece.
“All this time I thought the Republican nominee was selected by a secret society of rich old white dudes playing butt-naked leap frog in a sacred temple.”
Weekend Update was particularly inspired last night, starting with Colin Jost and Michael Che’s zoomed-in study of the contents of Donald Trump’s office (using the picture he posted on Twitter of him eating a taco bowl on Cinco de Mayo, captioned, “I love Hispanics!”). It only gets better, as Che comes to terms with the fact that Trump won the GOP nomination fair and square, and that maybe the GOP doesn’t have a spooky right-wing Illuminati, and maybe they aren’t lizard people after all.
All of the Update guests were great: Vanessa Bayer got to reprise one of her best characters, Laura Parsons: the hard-smiling Disney child star who zealously reports the headlines alongside Che, ignorant of their implications. After mentioning the KKK being people who wear sheets all the time so they’re always ready for bed before sing-songing, “And they want everyone dead except whites!” When Che asks her if she has any stories appropriate for her age group, she turns the discussion to apps — stopping on a study that STDs are spreading faster because of apps like Tinder and Grindr. “I think STD stands for Seriously Terrible Dates! … because everyone has herpes!” And she sure does know what herpes means: “It’s when your downstairs says, ayeyeye!”
Later, Sasheer Zamata discusses how only white people are upset about Larry Wilmore calling Obama the n-word, and Pete Davidson reads some of his mom’s real tweets from a fake Twitter account she made to troll anybody who bad-mouthed her son, and to hit on “Lauren Michaels.”
BONUS #1: Game of Thrones spoiler?!
Because not everyone has heard the news about Jon Snow yet?
BONUS #2: The Return of the Church Lady!
Because everyone can always use more Dana Carvey.