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February 11, 2017

Anna gives you tips to become sexy

About me.


God I’m hot.

Hey I’m Anna, a skinny person. I’m here to tell you that it’s really easy to be skinny and stay skinny. I’m skinny and have been for my whole life, so if I can do it so can you! Just follow these easy tips!

Throw away your kids

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Just dump them, you don’t need them. They are weighing you down and not in the hot hunky man lying on top of you way. You will lose some followers because of, you know, abandoning your kids. Once you get that out of the way though, you’ll have so much time to mine yourself, you’re golden!

Don’t work 40 hour weeks.

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Just move to New York and become an social influencer. Me and all my friends just get loads of free shit for taking photos of ourselves. That will take you about 3 hours a day, depending how long it takes you to write a sentence and add some hashtags. I honestly don’t know why more people don’t do this more.

Eat one leaf a day.

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This comes from years of hating my body during my teens. After a while your body adapts. Oh, did I say body? I meant brain. Your brain adapts, it adapts to all the fainting you’ll most likely be doing by living like a famine survivor.

Just be skinny

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Can’t you just like suck in or something?

15-Minute meals

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Don’t you know you can cook healthy meals in just 15 minutes? Of course that’s after you drive out to your local forest with red wood trees and pick a very rare mushroom that usually costs 20$ a gram. Once you’ve done that you’ll have to pluck hair off a horse, this is your side salad. Don’t worry though, after becoming sexy enough you can just get others to do it for you. That’s what you want right? Servants?

Portion size

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Make sure your matching your portions to your rabbit counter-part. If you’re eating more than the rabbit, you’re a fucking pig.

Sign up to my class

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It’s essentially just going to be me showing you photos of me working out as I clench my abs in front of you wearing a belly top. I give guilt free advice, even if you should feel really guilty. Classes start from just $5000 an hour a day, and you need to sign up to at least 5 hours a day for 3 years to get your free shaker. Oh and just FYI, after the first week I may just get someone that looks like me to give the class.