Eight Legged Australian Freaks:
Japanese authorities say they’re “not ready” for an invasion of venomous Australian redback spiders (story). Authorities added, “Unless they’re 100 feet tall and radioactive. We’re totally ready for that.”


Apple Pay Day:
Apple’s new Apple Pay launches today, allowing users to pay for products at over 200,000 retail locations with only their phone (story). The latest Apple offering brings us one step closer to the day where having your phone stolen will literally ruin your entire life forever.


Ebola has left Nigeria:
Nigeria has been declared free of Ebola after six weeks with no new infections (story). This comes as especially great news to the thousands of people there living in daily fear of being slaughtered by religious violence.


The perils of online dating:
A woman got stuck in a chimney while trying to enter the home of someone she’d met through online dating (story). So, get ready for an email from your mom about making sure your chimney is narrow enough.


Don’t want to miss a thing:
Australia has cut their program monitoring comets that could hit Earth in the Southern Hemisphere, ignoring warnings from astronomers (story). No word yet on how the complete destruction of all life on Earth could affect the 2016 presidential election.