Celebrities See All

Close

Quick Links

or
5 Funny Votes
1 Die Votes
590 Views
Published October 26, 2011

Thirty-nine-year-old Amish woman Leanne Rutledge just can't live without the ribbed vibrator she found almost six weeks ago.  Mrs. Rutledge found the plastic “10-inch Thumper Pumper” by the side of a dirt road, as she was busy harvesting gooseberries in a nearby field for the annual Clarke County Mid-Summer Moon Festival.

When asked if she believes her new toy contradicts the Amish code of conduct known as Ordnung Mrs. Rutledge replied, "Listen, I love being Amish but I may love my vibrator a bit more.  I know I'm sinning against my faith but if anyone tries to take it away from me I will stab them with my pitchfork until their body lies lifeless and is torn apart by vultures and hyenas."

After Mrs. Rutledge was persuaded to drop her weapon, she continued to say that she believes her new toy is a sign from a higher power, "I mean it's obviously a sign. The big guy upstairs has a clear path for me and that path involves this filthy vibrator and me violating myself with it in the back of the tool shed.”

Mrs. Rutledge concedes that she'll need a contingency plan when the batteries of her new pleasure-rod run out.

Written by: TheRichmond999

Advertisement
Advertisement

From Around the Web

More