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November 22, 2016

1) Just, like, sit there silently in disgust for a little bit.

Thanksgiving is a time for celebration and reflection. The holiday grants us uninterrupted time to give thanks, pig out, and sit awkwardly as our grandparents make ignorant, surely sexist comments at the dinner table. Oh, grandpa!! There’s truly nothing like it.

Unfortunately, with post-election tensions running high, there will certainly be a sense divisiveness hitting families and friend groups across the country. But there’s no need to worry. Check out the 33 non-political activities and discussion topics below, and get ready to save Thanksgiving, proving to your parents once and for all that you’re not a total failure.

The List

1) Write an academic analysis about the history of pilgrims.
2) Aaron Carter has new music out. Stream it over speakers and have a
listening sesh.
3) Carrot cake. How does it even make sense? Discuss.
4) Take a poll: Has anyone gone through a single day without
mentioning Westworld?
5) Tell your grandpa about cold brew coffee (this should take a good hour).
6) Watch all the Harry Potter movies, but in reverse order!!!
7) Toss the football around, but instead of a football use a Jane Goodall book.
8) Apologize for talking shit behind your weird cousin’s back.
9) Name the turkey and make an alias for it. Make sure to Facebook Live the
whole thing!
10) Play “Pin the tail on the expensive new apple product book.”
11) Share your deepest darkest secret and time how long it takes your mom to cry.
12) Play the silent game.
13) Set an empty place setting at the table and say it’s for your ancestor’s ghost.
14) Where is the Sk8r Boi these days? Have the family write personal letters to Avril Lavigne.
15) Create a time capsule. Instead of physical belongings, seal your dreams and ambitions inside to open after the Trump Presidency.
16) Write all over the host’s dining room walls and then be like, “Oh, I thought the walls were whiteboards!” *Note: If the host’s walls are whiteboards this won’t be
as funny.17) Take turns trying to recite the Gettysburg Address from memory.
18) Fight about the best Starburst flavor. Whoever says yellow gets disowned
for 5 years.19) See if anyone can name more than 4 constitutional amendments.
20) Just, like, sit around for a little bit in disgust
21) Create funny taglines for your pet. Ex: Rover: Low key taking huge shits in the living room since 2004.
22) Talk about the gravitational effects of black holes. Nobody ever does!
23) Make a checklist in case of a zombie apocalypse.
24) Rank every restaurant you’ve ever been to in your whole entire life.
25) Make a Tinder profile for your turkey. Get ready for a hilarious night lol.
26) Put your phones in the middle of the table and then set them on fire.
27) Comment on one of the art pieces in the house; ask about the history then try to steal it later on like National Treasure.
28) Challenge a newborn to a pushup contest then feel good about yourself
for winning.29) Call the cops on your younger sibling for having a little wine even though they are under 21.
30) Everyone in the family goes around and comments something vague on their ex’s Facebook profile picture.
31) Start a small business. Come up with a concept and take out a loan on the spot.
32) On the count of 3 say who your favorite parent is out loud.
33) Fuck it, talk about the election because white supremacists are in The White House and the KKK is feeling comfortable and 2016 blows.

Have a great Turkey Day!