What if a Horse Ran a Bank?

By Michael Lake September 20, 2012 | 289 Views
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Everywhere you go 
Everywhere you look
Everybody has 
Red in their bank book
 
Everywhere I go 
Everywhere I see
Posters spewing about equity
Man, what does that mean? 
 
It summons up the image of a horse at a bank
Sometimes I have to stop and think
What if a horse ran a bank
Wouldn't it be cool if a horse ran a bank? 
 
THE WORLD WOULD BE DIFFERENT 
IF BANKS WERE EQUINE
BANK TELLERS IN STABLES
SITTIN' ON AN OAT GOLD MINE
 
WHEN THEY STAMP CHEQUES
YO, THEY STAMP HARD
CUSTOMER SERVICE IS OUT OF THIS WORLD
A HORSE WOULD JUMP OVER HURDLES
 TO PRE-APPROVE YOU FOR A NEW CARD
 
WILL YOU APPROVE THIS LOAN?
CLOP ONCE FOR YES, 
CLOP TWICE FOR NO
 
MAKE IT RAIN
 
CHECK IT OUT
THE ATM'S BROKEN
JUST GIVE IT A KICK
AND THE ATM'S STILL BROKEN
 
SORRY ABOUT THAT FOLKS
DON'T KNOW WHY I THOUGHT THAT WOULD WORK
TO WITHDRAW CASH GET IN THIS THREE HOUR LINE
 
HEY LISTEN, GIRL, 
I'M REALLY SORRY ABOUT YOUR HOUSE 
BEING FORECLOSED
CHEW ON A CARROT
WHILE BLOWING AN ABNORMALLY LARGE NOSE
 
TO PAY OFF YOUR HORSE MORTGAGE 
AT THE CURRENT RATE
IT WILL TAKE TWELVE DECADES
SORRY FOR THE BAD NEWS
MAYBE WIN THE LOTTERY AND WISH ON YOUR HORSESHOES.
 
I KNOW WE JOKE AROUND 
BUT THE ECONOMY'S AN ABYSS
WHAT DARK HORSE CANDIDATE CAN GET US OUT OF THIS?
 
 NO, A HORSE BANK IS NOT ALL FUN AND POLO
IT'S A HIGH STRESS ENVIRONMENT 
MOTHERFUCKER, YOLO
 
PUT ON YOUR SADDLE
RIDE'S ABOUT TO GET ROUGH
BEING A HORSE DOES NOT NEGATE
 HAVING TO DO CLERICAL STUFF
 
STOCKS AND LOANS MAY BREAK MY BONES, 
BUT A HORSE COULD EAT YOUR NECK. 
 
DON'T TALK TO ME 
UNTIL AFTER MY SALT LICK. 
I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO YOU IRENE 
MY LIFE IS IN CRISIS
 
I HAVE GAMBLING DEBTS
 FROM BIDDING ON HUMANS
WE GOT ROBBED TODAY
AND I HAD TO STEP ASIDE
THOSE GUYS HAD TRANQS 
COULDA PENETRATED MY HIDE
 
IF I DON'T PAY BACK MY MONEY
BIG TONY SAID I'D WAKE UP IN THE MORNING
 WITH A HUMAN HEAD IN MY BED
 
LOOK I MAY BE A HORSE, 
WITH A STIFF BACK AND A MANE, 
BUT NO MATTER THE SPECIES, 
OUR PROBLEMS, THE SAME. 
 
IT WOULD BE AWFUL IF A HORSE RAN BANK!
IT'S JUST NOT PRACTICAL!
WHAT AM I SAYIN'? 
THE ECONOMY'S BAD, NO MATTER HOW YOU PAYIN'.
 
WILL YOU APPROVE THIS LOAN?
CLOP ONCE FOR YES,
CLOP TWICE FOR NO.
 
*MIC DROP. RAUCOUS APPLAUSE*
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