TERMINALLY ILL MAN VOWS TO FINISH HIS NETFLIX QUEUE BEFORE HE DIES
by Doug Anthony Jones
ATLANTA, Georgia -- Charlie Hutchins, a 62-year old man who was told he only had months to live after being diagnosed with terminal cancer sits on his deathbed at St. Joseph's Hospital with a Sony portable DVD player on his lap. "When I was diagnosed with terminal cancer two months ago it was a difficult time for me and my family" Hutchins told reporters. However, a few days after hearing the news he asked his daughter, 42-year-old Emily Maya Hutchins for an unusual request.
"He told me to upgrade his Netflix plan to be able to allow him to take 8 DVD's out at-a-time." Hutchins daughter told reporters. The plan which bills Netflix customers $47.99 a month, also allows for unlimited instant watching. Hutchins then announced to his friends and family that he plans on watching every single title in Netflix queue before he passes away.
Just how many movies a day are we talking about? "I have 387 titles in my netflix queue right now, if I can get through six a day I might be able to complete my queue in two months more or less." He paused for a moment and then added "...Assuming I make it that far."
Hutchins explains he has been bumping discs to the top of the queue that are of special interest. "I just finished watching The Best of Saturday Night Live: Tom Hanks. I don't normally think of Tom Hanks as a comedian but I was pretty impressed the fact that he is not only willing to spoof his own films but portray inimitable characters as well."
Hutchins admits he expects to run into difficulty somewhere around the halfway point. "I added a lot of titles impulsively that I don't really have any interest in watching anymore. After reading Steve Martin's autobiography "Born Standing Up" I added the first two seasons of "The Sonny and Cher Comedy Hour", a show which Martin appeared on both as a writer and performer. I didn't realize this was a 6 disc set containing 20 episodes. It's really hard to sit through this but it's something I promised myself I'd finish." Hutchins added, "Sonny&Cher were a musical act, they had no business doing an hour of comedy."
"He should be spending his final months with his grandchildren, his family, his loved ones..." said Nurse Sandy McNair, "Not watching Mannequin 2: On the Move"
"When can I go in there?" exclaimed 16 year-old grandson Dennis Hutchins as he stood outside room 216 at St. Joseph's Hospital Center on Monday. "Only when he's sleeping." Hutchins has timed his sleeping schedule to match those of hospital visiting hours. This unique plan allows friends and family can visit him at a time that won't interrupt his movie watching. "He really seems to have a system all figured out" said hospital mailroom employee Howie Novak as he picked up a stack of Netflix envelopes ready to be sent back.
"What's the final movie in your queue?" reporters asked. "It's an 80's movie called "Getting It On!" Hutchins says. "It's about a peeping tom who takes his obsession to the next level when he starts a voyeuristic video production company." Hutchins becomes very emotional as he describes the racy sex romp to reporters. "This whole matter becomes complicated when a school principal catches wind of the operation and threatens to ruin their fun" Hutchins paused for a moment to shed a tear, "This will be the final movie I watch before I die."