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 SHIT EEYORE SAYS
 

My favorite band is “The Fray”.

 

A car got hit by me.

 

I checked. Obamacare doesn’t cover my tail surgery.

 

Can’t even tie a proper noose. No thumbs.

 

Mickey Rourke performing a monologue. Always a good sign.

 

I’m being sold for glue. I probably won’t be very sticky anyway.

 

Too little, too late.

 

Too much, too soon.

 

Can’t even masturbate. Hooves.

 

Religion is as corrupt as man.

 

“Titanic” is the happiest ending ever.

 

Whenever I’m next to a bridge, Kriss Kross plays in my head. “JUMP! JUMP!”.

 

I’m sorry it got in your hair. If it’s any consolation, I’m impotent.


I have 0 Facebook friends. 0 Twitter followers. 0 Myspace friends. 

Not even Tom. 

I got punched in the tear ducts. I can’t even cry anymore.

 

Two words: asexual.

 

The message of “The Social Network” is: You have to make a few friends if you want to make a few enemies. I’m not qualified for anything.

 

Owl’s an owl, Piglet’s a piglet, Rabbit’s a rabbit. My name’s not even descriptive.

 

John Boehner 2012.

 

Castration is painful, but less so than a lifetime of wondering what could have been. 

 

@TheMichaelLake

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