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July 01, 2009


Ich am very glad you could see me on short notice, Dr Schissegeboren. Ich habst ein kliene problem. . . . Ja, mit ze arschenhalle. . . Mein Oscar statue is stuck in mein poopenschute Und Ich need to make ein BM. Ja, ja, have a look. . . Vat do you see? . . .Vat? It says “2010 Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress” Zat is not even mein Oscar! (sfx cellphone ringtone playing techno) Excuse me, Dr. . .Allo? Ja zis is me . . .Oh Allo, Helen. Ve vas just talking about you. . .Vat? You say you have mein Oscar und you vant to know if I have yours? Zey got switched at the Vanity Fair party by mistake? . . .Vell, let me see. (Dr! it’s Helen Mirren! She vants her Oscar back. Vat do ve do?) . . .Ich haff to put you on hold, bitte. . . Dr., Vat if she finds out her Oscar has spent ze last 24 hours playing soccer against ze gerbil mit mein turdballs up ze poppenschute? . . . Helen? You can hear me? I hit ze speakerphone instead of ze hold button? . . . Zis should embarrass even me. . .Helen,Ich tell you vat. Ich von’t mention to TMZ zat it is your Oscar vat took ze trip up mein chocolate autobahn. . . Helen? Helen? . . Vell Ich guess zere vill be no BAFTA award zis year.