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August 10, 2009


I hereby announce my endorsement of the Obama healthcare reform bill on the grounds that I want to be a member of one of his death panels.

I want to control who lives and who dies. 

Heidi and Spencer DEATH!

Glen Beck DEATH!

Nancy Pelosi DEATH!

Ann Coulter DEATH! Hurry up, keep the line moving.

Steve Spurrier DEATH! Spencer and Heidi SPI-DEATH-DI! In fact, everyone on an MTV reality show who has no association with music, DEATH!

Guy I went to high school with who had the weird facial twitch, horrible acne, and laughed at his own jokes DEATH!

Octomom LIFE.... just kidding, DEATH!

How much money have we saved so far? Not enough okay. Let's euthanize some more people. Remember, you're also lowering carbon emissions with each person we vote into the ground, so this is definitely a two birds with one stone kind of deal.