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September 14, 2012

In a bold move to stribe back against 'The Master,' The Church of Scientology is re-releasing it's infamous film envisioned by founder L. Ron Hubbard, 'Battlefield Earth'.

To counteract Paul Thomas Anderson's Scientology movie, The Master, The Church of Scientology is re-releasing Battlefield Earth, it's infamous sci-fi flop envisioned by founder L. Ron Hubbard.

"Scientology is not an institution for protecting closeted homosexuals, like The Master implies," says Scientology Chairman David Miscavige. "We're counteracting that lie with a macho sci-fi movie with a devilish John Travolta as a leather clad heterosexual alien."

When asked for his response, Paul Thomas Anderson said, "There's nothing in The Master about closeted homosexuals. I don't really know what Miscavige is talking about."

Determined to destroy The Master at the Box Office, Miscavige has even employed the help of Battlefield star, John Travolta. "As part of the ad campaign," Miscavige said, "John will be showing up at random theaters and inviting strangers to sit next to him and reach into his popcorn."