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July 29, 2016
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We need a candidate we can connect with.

Hillary Clinton just gave her acceptance speech at the DNC in Philadelphia. And though many hailed the performance for showing a more engaging side of her as a candidate, unfortunately those people are wrong. Hillary is as unrelatable as ever, and a candidate being relatable is the most important thing to be as I decide who to vote for. That’s why I’m going to vote for the candidate with a real estate empire.

The thing Hillary needs to understand is that people don’t identify with her message because they can’t see her as a human being. She’s just a product of the elitist neo-liberal machine, wearing her white suits and sipping her mugs of tea and giving her speeches.

Trump, on the other hand, is a guy we can all relate to. Look at who he married: three models. Trump’s current wife? Falsely claimed she went to college in Slovenia AND was in an Aflac commercial. Those are two things we are ALL able of accomplishing. Hillary? Her husband went to Georgetown, Oxford, Yale, and was President of the United States. Yea, that’s normal. Not.

Also, lest we forget, Hillary lived in the White House ALREADY. Wow. Is that something most Americans relate to? No. Trump, on the other hand, lives in a building named after him and stays into hotels named after him and vacations at golf courses named after him. I think we can all admit that most Americans are closer to owning a golf course than ever living in the dang White House.

Donald Trump was on a reality show, The Apprentice, for 14 seasons. He fired people on EVERY. SINGLE. EPISODE. It’s 2016–most Americans have both been on a reality show AND been fired. Meanwhile, Hillary Clinton was “busy” serving as a Senator and Secretary State. Okay, um, trying to make us feel stupid much? Try firing Stephen Baldwin. THAT’s a hard job.

Now for the truth bombs: Trump is a man. And what is half the population of the United States of America? Men. So good luck connecting with half the population that doesn’t share your gender, Hillary.

Hillary’s kid? Went to Stanford and became a consultant. Trump’s kids? Shot a fucking rhino and do what their daddy tells them to do. And if the rest of America had the opportunity to shoot a rhino AND talk to their dad, that’s what they’d do, too.

So good luck trying to shore up those “real America” points, Hillary. Because you lost us the moment you chose to be born to middle class parents in Illinois, rather than to a rich ass real estate dynasty in New York City.

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